This episode is sponsored by Cards Against Humanity.

They asked us not to read an ad.

Enjoy the show.

Well, you may be wondering why I called you all in here.

I was wondering.

Yeah.

I don't live here anymore.

I'm really curious why you asked us to come here and also asked us to wear 1920 style outfits.

Well, because it's a fun holodeck adventure.

You guys, we never get together and have a fun holodeck adventure. And this is the best one. There's been a murder. What? What there's been a murder? Who was killed? Computer pause program. No, no, no, no. Belay that order. It's a murder mystery party kind of thing. Like, we all come to the holodeck and we all solve this murder together. It's like a puzzle or a video game. Well, good news, Captain. I disabled the hologram safety protocol, so we are in there for real. Why would you do that? Standard protocol, right? No. I don't think we're ever supposed to do that. Really? I feel like I've never been in a holodeck with a safety protocol. In all the years I've been on the ship, I don't think the safety protocols have failed one time. Wait, does this mean that we can all actually die? Yeah. And we can actually get holograms pregnant. Oh, God, I didn't even think about that, but that's right. Computer Arch. Arch? The lights just went off in the holodeck oh and they came back on

did you hear a knocking I heard three of them six someone opened the door to

this train computer door of train no come just door the computer's not

responding here I'll do it with my hands.

You can't even see them. Oh. Tickets, please. Whoa. Oh my gosh, your face is horrifying.

What's wrong with it? Don't say that. The protocols are off. Oh, I mean, wow, what a handsome guy.

When the protocols are off, the holograms can really get offended when you say something mean to them. I'm right here. Tickets, please? Here, here's my ticket. Do you have all of our tickets? Yeah, Captain, you said you have my ticket. Oh, yeah, here's some tickets. I don't need a ticket, right? Because I'm a cat. No, that's why I told you to come nude.

Well, if you can ask whether you need a ticket, you need a ticket.

Look, this is my cute little kitty cat that I like to pet and keep on my lap.

Look, there's one crime we can't abide here on the murder express.

And that's fair evasion.

If you don't have a ticket, you're going to have to scrub pots in the kitchen car. Are you kidding me? Oh, I'll scrub pots in the kitchen car with you, Spott. Oh, thank you. We'll scrub pots in the kitchen car. Maybe this is part of it. See if there are any clues back there that we help us solve the murder and end the program. Yeah, I mean, there's a murderer around. The first thing we gotta do is split up. And who's been murdered? Oh, that's actually a really good question. Yeah, the lights came back on, but then there wasn't like a body on the ground or anything like that. And you said there was a murder before the lights went out. Look, murder announcements happen every 15 minutes in the dining car here aboard the

murder express. Oh my god, there's been a knife in this guy's back the whole time. Oh,

...