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Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, sometimes known as Bran Angelina, are getting a divorce,

which is an important story because actually, I don't know what the end of that sentence is.

But news that the star of World War Z was being divorced by the woman who's totally nude sex scene beginning one hour and 37 minutes and 14 seconds into the film original sin made me forget what I was saying.

Brad Pitt told reporters, quote, I was like totally, totally surprised to discover Angelina was not charmed and delighted by the fact that I was banging my co-stars on other movies.

How could you not love the fact that I was smoking so much dope that I finally began to understand why oceans 13 is such a classic, classic motion picture,

or at least a mind-blowing series of hallucinations passing between my eyelids and an inner universe that extends from my retina to that weird dimension and interstellar where Matthew McConaugh floated around like an idiot in a part I could have absolutely killed.

Pitt went on to say he was saddened by the breakup and wanted only the best for his children if he had any, which he couldn't remember, but if he did, he wished them well and hoped to see them sometime if he happened to be around where they were.

He said he regretted how much he'd hurt Angelina and had always thought he was just so hot and rich that she would consider herself lucky to have him whatever he did.

In an interview with Variety, Pitt added, quote, look at this face, look how handsome it is. How can my wife not love it? My mistress loves it, or maybe my wife loves it, my mistress doesn't.

I always get those two confused, which is the one whose divorce he may, unquote.

As for Angelina Jolie, she said she had been absolutely shocked to find that her husband was sleeping with other women who hadn't adopted 47 handicapped children and weren't constantly amaring on about poverty in some godforsaken hellhole in who knows where Africa or someplace instead of making him dinner.

She told the Hollywood Reporter, quote,

I never imagined when I stole Brad away from Jennifer Aniston that he could be unfaithful. And I don't understand why he would run off with some young chippy with a sense of humor when he could be with someone who takes herself as seriously as I do. I just assumed he married me because he cared about world peace.

He said something about peace, I remember. You're a nice piece, I think it was. I feel so betrayed.

News of the brand Angelina break up broke the hearts of the couple's fans and many other people with nothing better to think about arguments broke out on Twitter about which of the stars should now be called brand and which one Angelina as one fan put it quote, I am absolutely devastated to find that my life is so empty I'm paying attention to the crappy love lives of essentially boring people who don't know I exist.

Also because there won't be a sequel to Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Mostly it's about the sequel unquote trigger warning I'm Andrew Clayton and this is the Andrew Clayton show.

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