I'm Darren Brown. I've made a career out of learning the inner workings of our brilliantly messed up brains.

So together with the help of powerful human stories, expert advice and the odd experiment will help you wrestle control over your life, fears and emotions.

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I'm just kidding. Don't shut the podcast off. Unload the clock and stop driving to my home. Why are you guys so angry?

I post one thing on my Instagram story. That's all I do. I'm excited. I'm a Christmas. I like this time of year. It brings me a lot of joy.

I don't know why it does, but it does. And when November 1st hits, I'm in the Christmas spirit. I post one little thing on my Instagram story.

I thought a lot of you were going to be with me on this. Okay, which by the way, Instagram Anthony calls on the score if you want to go follow me over there, but that's not important.

What is important is that I got a multitude of DMs. After all I posted was it's time for the Christmas season. And I thought a lot of people are going to be on my side.

They're going to be like, you know what? I could use some joy. I could use some cheering up. That's amazing. I'm totally on your side. I love what you're doing here, Anthony.

That is honestly, actually, I got the opposite of that. Like a lot of it. A lot of people are coming to my DMs. You're like, Anthony, enough with this fucking happy nonsense. Okay, I have seasonal depression.

Oh, really? Well, I seasonally have no fucks left to give. So I don't care. I don't care. Oh, you've seasonal depression.

Want to know why it's probably a damn phone of yours because you're always you swipe you're swiping through fucking face gram and instant chat and face fuck.

You know, that was the one that the Zuckerberg dude made quit swiping right on face fuck and go swipe right on fun activities with friends. Okay, so quit, quit scrolling through.

It's enough. Enough with the face fuck. Okay. Quit, quit face fucking online. Go, go face fuck someone. Go have go face fucking a field. I don't care what you do. Go ride a bike around the neighborhood.

How about a bicycle, a unicycle? I tried to go. I don't give a fuck how many goddamn wheels the thing has just go ride one. Go ride something. Go ride a cowboy.

I don't care. Ride whatever you want. Get out of this funk. You have anxiety. It's probably instant chat and face fuck. Okay. All right. Enough. Enough. I'm sick and tired of it.

At episode 16. What's up guys? How's it going on? I none of that was a joke. I'm a hundred percent serious.

This podcast is actually it's not satire at all. There's your first time here. Everything I say is factual and please feel free to DM me with any opinion that you disagree with because everything I say here, I do 100% believe it is not I don't make anything up.

And actually this entire show is scripted. I just memorized the entire thing and then I talk. So it's actually not improv. Everything's a lie. Your life is a lie. Everything. Nothing's real. This universe isn't real. Fuck Jeff Bezos. He's a prick. Actually, I do want to talk about Jeff Bezos. I got a new microphone by the way. I actually want to say this really quick. We'll get back to Thanksgiving and stuff and I'm going to wrap up on Halloween just to cut.

Just to kind of give you the rundown. I know Halloween past but I got a wrap up on it. Okay. It happened. Whatever. We're going to get to that Jeff Bezos. So I got a new microphone. First of all, let me know if it sounds crispier and if it sounds better and if you could, if you hear my voice better and if you could hear me enunciating words a little bit better.

If you can't and it sounds the exact fucking same, I'm going to jump off my rough because I just dropped a cool honoured on this brand new mic and if it doesn't sound any better, I'm going to fucking pay someone to punch me directly in my penis. So hopefully it sounds a little bit better. Second thing, I bought, remember how I always talk about the pop filter on top of the mic, the little black thing.

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