Oh man, I was going to be so funny today.

I had an opening monologue ready that trust me would have made you laugh until you fell

out of your chairs.

You would have been sitting there in your cars or your cubicles or your underground bunkers.

You would have been thinking, Lord have mercy that Andrew Klavin, he is a satirist of

pure genius.

He combines a Syrian intelligence with sparkling humor and dazzling good looks that make him

almost painfully attractive, speaking in a purely sexual way.

And alright, that might have disturbed your wife a little bit.

My opening monologue was so incredibly hilarious that you would have thrown caution and gender

identity to the wind.

Unfortunately, these Islamist dirt bags just suck the humor out of everything.

I mean, a radical Islamist walks into a gay bar sounds like the beginning of a joke,

but as it turns out not so much.

Instead it's the beginning of an atrocity, an atrocity like eczema or sarah silverman

just isn't funny at all.

See, I was going to make some absolutely a barraurious jokes about gay people suffering from

microaggressions from Christians who disapprove of their way of life because that's funny.

But instead they're suffering from the genuine aggression of an Islamist creep who felt

he had the right to kill people whose sexual pleasure has offended him and there's no

humor there.

I had a couple of absolute screamers about how the police were out targeting unarmed

...