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Hillary Clinton, the presumptive Democrat nominee for sinister president and Donald Trump,

the preposterous Republican nominee for unimaginable president, had been attacking each other on foreign policy lately.

Mrs. Clinton gave a speech last week, detailing her criticisms of Trump, and then Trump fired back until the weapon was wrestled from his hand.

Hillary began her attack by claiming that Trump was too inexperienced to handle foreign policy.

She said, quote, here is a man who has never traded government favors for illegal cash payoffs,

or recklessly toppled a dictator plunging an entire region into chaos, or left our people to die and then lied about it to their parents while standing in front of their coffins.

These are not things you can learn on the job. I've done them all, and if elected president, I'll be sure to do them again.

Especially the cash payoff part.

Trump responded to the charges by breaking out of his enclosure, swinging from a tree into a crowded children's area,

seizing a three-year-old boy and dragging him through a man-made river, zoo officials finally brought Trump down with a tranquilizer gun,

and returned him to his cage, preventing any loss of life.

Mrs. Clinton continued to hit Trump on foreign policy by calling his outlook dangerously chaotic.

He doesn't really have any ideas, she said, just a series of bizarre attitudes.

I, on the other hand, firmly believe that rainbow shoot out of the back sides of suicide bombers,

Mexican gangsters or dreamers who only want to come to America to mow my lawn, and Europe is a magical kingdom somewhere across the silversy,

where everyone has health care and speaks with a charming accent.

...