The Justice Department has announced new guidelines aimed at destroying prejudices against people who were painfully thin physically but identify as obese.

Formerly known as anorexics, these Americans are now referred to more correctly as trans fats, though not to be confused with the trans fats found in donuts, which need no help from the Justice Department because we all agree they're absolutely awesome.

The Justice Department guidelines provide that states may no longer require trans fat persons to buy clothes that fit, would a walk through a turn style that a 300 pound person would normally get stuck in.

Furthermore, anyone who calls a trans fat skinny or summons an ambulance when she passes out from malnutrition, where attempts to perform CPR when she dies of starvation can be fined upward of $250,000 for violating the constitutional restriction against being a big meanie.

Likewise, if a trans fat person who looks like a death cam victim should stick her fingers down her throat and an attempt to make herself vomit up a piece of cheese, she swears she only meant to suck on for a moment but accidentally swallowed.

Observers will be required to remark, I see her point. They're sure are a lot of calories and cheese.

Blanley sinister attorney general, Auretolinch, told reporters, quote, I grew up under Jim Crow laws and therefore I will not rest until every freakish nutball in America has been used to distract the public from the catastrophic failures of the Obama administration.

There are laws against mistreating people of the trans fat persuasion and yes, OK, I made those laws up in my imagination, but that's how our constitution works in my imagination.

Unquote, the blandly sinister lynch went on to speak with touching emotion about the American history of abuses against trans fat people as when they were sent to psychiatrist as if they suffered from some kind of mental disorder and even force fed to keep them from starving themselves to death as if they suffered from some kind of mental disorder.

President Barack Obama approved of the Justice Department's new crusade saying at a press conference quote, I've screwed up our health care system beyond repair.

I've engulfed the Middle East in flames and I've put what should have been a recovering economy on a path to 0% growth.

But if I can trespass on the people's rights to govern themselves in order to support just one completely made up minority, I'll have given the news media cover to go on kissing my black ass to long after I'm dead.

Unquote, the presidential press conference ended on a light note when the president asked the assembled reporters that I just say that out loud and the laughing reporters responded say what Mr. President, we didn't hear a thing.

Trigger warning, I'm Andrew Clayvin and this is the Andrew Clayvin show.

That's just me and I know I'm being mean to trans fat person.

This is the all sex show we're going to talk about nothing but sex but first.

But before I do that, I know I keep bothering you about subscribing so you can see stuff but also so you can participate tomorrow.

We will do the mailbag yet again answering all your questions with diagrams and professional flowed fly and professors to explain things to you.

I'm not going to do any of that but we will answer your mail in questions and you can see the show so you could see for instance this meme that we're going to put up that it was tweeted to me this is a apparently a famous meme and I'll describe it for those of you who are too damn cheap to subscribe for free.

You get it for free for 30 days but you're too cheap even for that.

This is a meme it shows a dog. He says basically how I'm handling life right now. It shows a dog having a cup of coffee in a burning house.

That's the first frame and the second frame is a dog having a cup of coffee in a burning house saying this is fine.

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