This is Annie Grace and you're listening to this naked mind podcast where without judgment,

pain or rules, we explore the role of alcohol in our lives and culture.

Hi friends, it's Annie Grace with this naked mind and I am answering questions.

If you have questions for me, please post them below. I will answer them.

Today's question is from Maggie and Maggie says, Hi Annie, I just finished your book and found it so helpful.

I'm on day five of my freedom from alcohol. Congratulations Maggie and was so trying to arm myself with as much ammo and information as possible.

Anyway, I'd love you to address the issue of living with a spouse who uses alcohol and has no intention of stopping.

He has a couple of drinks every day and usually right in front of me. What's the best way to handle this? Thank you in advance.

So Maggie, first my own experience isn't exactly like this because my husband when I first started writing this book and when I first started drinking, he goes,

I'm not going to stop drinking. I have no intention of doing that.

Then right before I published the book, I said, Hey, you better read this because there's a lot of personal stuff in here and you need to read it.

So we read it in two days and although he is not the type of person that's going to kind of put a flag in the ground and say, I am a non-drinker, I don't drink or I only drink on a very rare occasion,

I think he's had maybe two beers in the last six months.

So for him reading the book and reading about alcohol and what it really does to your body and having his unconscious mind kind of cleaned, if you will, from the liminal thinking, he just kind of naturally stopped.

So I got really lucky in that regard and I'm thankful. But I do think you have to do it for you not for anybody else and that is the crux of the issue.

Fabulously, we have an amazing community and if you haven't joined, join us at thisnakedmindcommunity.com.

Totally free, always will be. It's growing every day and it's people who are on this journey together and support each other.

And one of my very dear friends and early readers, Heidi Mayo, who actually blogs about this stuff at HeidiMayo.com, she had this exact issue.

And so I actually reached out to her for some backup on this question Maggie and I think, you know, I wanted to get you a really good answer.

So this is Heidi's response and I'm just going to kind of read it because I think it was really profound and really good.

And so Heidi says, I needed to make sure I had the right attitude. When I told my husband I was stopping, he made it absolutely clear that he was super happy for me, but he had no intention whatsoever of ever stopping drinking.

And I had to understand that. He's much better at controlling his drinking than I ever was. And if he chooses to drink, I have to realize that that's his business.

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