I'm Natalie Lou and you're listening to the baggage reclaim sessions. Hello, how are you doing? I am really looking forward to getting into today's topic, emotional

unavailability. We go right back to my roots. I mean that's like 13 and a half years ago

since I started baggage reclaim which at the time was really sparked by me experiencing an epiphany about the fact that I was always

involved with emotionally unavailable men and this led to me eventually

writing my first book Mr unavailableavabel and the Foreback Girl.

Now I want to add that back then when I first started out my audience was overwhelmingly

female and it was also overwhelmingly women who

were involved with guys but what as you already know if you've listened to this

podcast often enough and you've read the blog you know that

actually everything I talk about applies to both sexes and so it also applies to gay and straight

relationships. I hear from so many people who will say to me, well, you know, I met their friends, I've met their family,

they hold me at night, we have great sex, we have so many things in common, we do all of these wonderful

things together, it seems like it has so much promise. I see so much

potential in this person. They're smart, they're good looking, they're charming, they have a good job,

and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. and they're saying all of these things to me

because something isn't adding up it seems to them that because of all these things

that they should surely be happier that they shouldn't be so anxious that

they should know where they stand it seems to them that they have a good catch that

they have somebody who on paper it should in their mind lead to the

relationship that they want. And so they get hung up on these things because it's like, well, somebody who was unavailable

surely wouldn't introduce me to their family, surely wouldn't introduce me to their friends,

surely wouldn't post a picture of us on Instagram. They wouldn't send me

...