Democrats and other misprints in the Book of Life are celebrating a rare victory after a weekend of no

kings protests resulted in there being no American kings. The Democrat comeback ended a frustrating

period of months in which party officials sought for some way to convince the American electorate

that they were not just hollow glove

puppets being manipulated by the sinister unseen hands of communists and jihadis, while still

remaining true to their goal of being hollow glove puppets manipulated by the sinister unseen hands

of communists and jihadis. The turnaround came after chairman of the Democrat National Committee,

Abadon Pizzuzzi, delivered a rousing and inspiring speech to the golden statue of a goat-headed

God, saying, quote, O Lord of Darkness, come to our aid so that we may know we haven't traded

away our souls in vain. We have sought to win back the love of the American people by setting

their cities on fire, interfering with their law enforcement officers and the rightful performance

of their duties, mutilating their children, persecuting their politicians, silencing their opinions,

dividing them into hostile camps according to their various races, and shutting their churches

and synagogues, while simultaneously

cheering on acts of Islamist terror so horrifying in their apocalyptic evil, we thought they'd be

sure to win at least as loyal a following as Nancy Pelosi. And yet somehow, nothing we've done

has managed to recapture the affection of the nation we're trying so desperately to destroy.

Guide our steps to success, O Unholy One, so that we might raise our approval ratings,

which are in double digits only when expressed as fractions.

Unquote.

Shortly after this address, the DNC staged the nationwide no-king's protests,

which were so successful, even the protesters

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