You know, as the passions of election season rise, it's easy to become hateful towards your political opponents and harbor daydreams of, say, picking them up by the heels and slamming their heads repeatedly into the floor, preferably a hard floor, like in a tiled bathroom. So you can then carry them by the heels over to the toilet and dunk their heads in there again and again.

And finally, just stuff them deep into the hole and flush and flush until

they swirl down into the sewer like the pieces of crap they are and you can just watch

their loafers disappear with a glowing inner sense of a patriotic job well done.

But we should always remember that we're Christians and plumbers are expensive and if even

one of those clowns gets himself stuck in the pipes,

the bill is going to be astronomical.

Also, Jesus said, love your enemies.

Sure, I don't know what the hell he was talking about either,

but just in case it was something important,

I sometimes like to take a step back from the political

fray and try to seek common ground between the conservatives trying to preserve American

prosperity and liberty and the locus trying to devour all that in a frantically clamorous black cloud of

insectile greed and demonic stupidity. So for just a few moments let's put our

animosities aside and try to make a level-headed comparison

between conservative philosophy and those noises left us make that sound like a

cross between a tortured seagull and Joy Reed.

Conservatives believe that individuals are created to act freely

within the broad confines of human moral understanding

and that that freedom can only be maintained

by strictly limiting the power of the powerful.

Left disbelief that whenever someone says that in their vicinity, they should set cars on fire and shout him down by chanting meaningless bumper sticker slogans at the top of

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