Hello and welcome to Something's Off with Andrew Heaton. I'm your host Andrew Heaton and all

charges have been dropped. It's Friday we're going to do a release valve episode that

means if you're new to the program. We've been thoughtful and

substantive all of the week and now the week is concluding and we're just going to

kick around fun headlines with Brian Sack in a moment, one of my favorite people, very funny guy that I've known for a few years now that's a comedian writer sketch comedy, all that stuff.

We'll get into it in a moment, but before we do, we do have to pay those

bills and that means a word from our sponsor. Something's off with Andrew Heaton is

brought to you by Toaster insurance from Factory Farm

You're a hard-boiled detective who drinks bourbon alone at his desk

so audiences know you're a lone wolf with the checkered past without having to explain any of that through dialogue.

You've barely made rent on your office this month and you're seriously considering letting go your Secretary

Linda. You don't want to. She's a good-hearted woman, looks after

you, gives you band-aids when you've been shot, and makes you toast when you're hungry.

She'd probably work for free for a while. You couldn't do that to her. As for you, you might

have to work and live out of your car, or worse, call the police commissioner to ask for your

old job back.

You light a cigarette and then squint when the door to your office flings open and the afternoon

sun barges in.

Standing in the doorway is a silhouette.

You're not sure who it is, but you can tell she's got long skinny legs and curly hair

and is made of an opaque material which casts a shadow.

What do you want?

...