The Biden administration has issued its final report on Biden's disastrous surrender in Afghanistan.

The report says the Biden decisions that led to the Biden plan that created the Biden catastrophe

are the fault of Donald Trump. To show the administration was taking full responsibility for

the Biden disaster caused by Trump, the report was thrown out of a speeding car in a brown paper bag

on a Friday night before Easter weekend while Joe Biden snuck out of the White House and jumped

on a helicopter to Camp David. Fortunately, Defense Department spokesman John Kirby was left

behind to take reporters questions, although Kirby only became available after chasing Biden's

helicopter for half an hour shouting, come back, please don't leave me behind to take reporters

questions. The report, written by the late comedian John Belushi, gives a new inside look at the

intense war room conferences in which Joe Biden and his advisors designed a plan that would lead

to chaos, death and global disorder because of Donald Trump. In one meeting, for instance,

chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General and thoroughly modern Milley arrived late because

his adult education class on understanding white rage had run long and he had had to rush home

to change into a floor-length evening gown with the luminous ruffles cascading down the skirt

beneath the flattering pleated waist. Swanning gracefully back and forth across the war room,

General Modern repeatedly advised Biden that at least 2,500 U.S. troops should remain in Afghanistan

in order to entertain the Taliban conquerors with an ever-so-fun synchronized dance routine

reminiscent of the rockets only more gay. General Willie Milley felt this would atone for

generations of systemic American racism with a show of support for LGBT causes until the Taliban

finally learned that trans women are women and should be oppressed and beaten just like all

their other women. Milley said, quote, it isn't fair for the Taliban to murder girls for trying to

get an education while boys who dress up as girls are only murdered for dressing up as girls.

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