This is Annie Grace and you're listening to this naked mind podcast where without judgment,

pain or rules, we explore the role of alcohol in our lives and culture.

Hi friends, this is Annie Grace, author of this naked mind and I am answering questions of readers.

I've had a huge list and actually this is the last question on the list.

So if you have a question for me, just private message me or put it in the comments and I'll keep answering them as long as people are interested and have questions to ask.

So definitely send me something if you want me to answer it.

But today's question is from Sarah. So Sarah says, I'm in early stages, nine weeks alcohol-free, awesome.

Congratulations Sarah. And I'm feeling a tremendous amount of guilt and regret mainly around bad decisions I've made in the past, even to the extent of questioning relationships, etc.

I've been reading a lot about this and apparently it's quote normal to be on a emotional roller coaster when first becoming sober.

So variety usually means facing up to the past and the individual can feel guilty about their previous bad behavior.

But too much guilt can drive a person to relapse so it's very vital to think, keep things in perspective.

Do you have any words of wisdom to offer around this issue?

Yeah, definitely. I mean, I never ever in my life read a self-help book until after I published my own book, which is kind of funny.

But then you, you know, I started to get some of your recommendations from books from people that just, you know, my book resonated with something else they had read.

And I started reading tons of books like crazy. Like I was, I actually tallyed it up last night at read 39 books so far this year, which is probably why I haven't gotten much else done.

But I think that, you know, and I read a statistic that actually people who really take the time to know themselves and read those books and go into kind of the work of just being comfortable in your own skin are the happiest people.

And I have to say I've gotten tons from these books. And I think, I guess that's a bit of a tangent, but my point is that when you stop drinking, you have time.

Because alcohol takes time away from you because it's something to do. And when you're doing it, you can't do much else. And then alcohol also takes away your capacity to make really good decisions.

And it takes away your memories. So when you're not drinking, you have time. And you start to remember stuff. And you have the time to think about it and reflect on it. And that can be really hard because in essence, what it means is that if you were using alcohol to self-medicate, like most of us do,

it means that you have to become comfortable in your own skin. And so it's like this, this triple, we am the almost because you've got all this time, you've got guilt and regret. And you're starting to remember things that you did when during your drinking days. So there's a huge chance you don't feel good in your own skin. And then you can bound that with the fact that the thing that you went to when you had those feelings of anxiety or guilt or remorse was alcohol. And you don't have that to do anymore.

And then suddenly he calls it the white space and how do you fill up the white space. And I think, you know, really focusing on getting healthy inside yourself is really important. So that's kind of what I'm going to focus on today.

But I will tell you Sarah, like I am hit with waves of regret, like years later, like two days ago, I woke up and our neighbors are moving. And so they laughed and it was moving day and the new neighbors are coming in.

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