In the news this week, President and Vinal House plant Joe Biden gave the first press conference

he can remember, speaking in a White House broom closet he had convinced himself

was a stadium during a Trump style rally with actual cheering people in it, instead of a small

and closed space crowded with mobs and brooms that just vaguely looked like people if you kept

the lights off and narrowed your eyes. The president said he would, quote, continue my work

of United Americans with the snarling bull Connor like wannabe domestic terrorists who make up

about 65% of this racist country's hate-filled population. Answering questions asked by a bucket

of dirty mop water in a corner of the closet or possibly a reporter from MPR was difficult to

tell the difference. The president said his favorite ice cream flavor was vanilla. The last bookie

red was Good Night Moon and Russia could go ahead and invade Ukraine as long as it wasn't one of

those great big invasions, but just a little invasion where they burned down a couple of cities,

killed some people and went home, kind of like Black Lives Matter. Russian president Vladimir Putin

responded to the president while crushing a dissident's throat with his boot heel saying, quote,

this is either a reasonable, a reasonable president I can work with or a piece of furniture that looks

like a human being. I'm not sure which, but while I will try to keep my invasion small, it is difficult

to do anything small when you have rippling muscles like mine and can literally kill a man just

by looking at him, especially if you step on his throat afterward like this, unquote, except for a

long, gurgling sound of death by strangulation. Back in America, President Vino went on to tell

mobs or reporters that he had had a very successful presidency. When one reporter asked why

Los Angeles, Chicago in New York now look like the aftermath of a train wreck or a nuclear strike

with buildings and ruins, the earth blackened and screaming people running through the smoke and

flames crying, oh, when, oh, when will Jesus or Donald Trump return to earth to end this unbearable

...