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Slack.com slash DHQ. It's time for another exciting episode of Merrick Garland, Federal

Law Guy. Yes, Merrick Garland seeking out crime and corruption in every corner of America

except his bathroom mirror, relentlessly defending the powerful from the weak and making sure

the Constitution of the United States is safe and protected from any form of use. In last

weeks exciting story, Portland, Oregon was burned to the ground by a group of mass leftist

radicals who beat up innocent civilians and journalists. But never fear, Merrick Garland,

Federal Law Guy was on the job trying to force the state of Texas to allow doctors to

crush the heads of unborn babies and sell their body parts for sweet, sweet cash.

Tonight's episode, Case number twenty-twenty-one, Timmy's mom. October 1st, 6am, while an innocent

suburb sleeps, Timmy's mom sneaks from her bed under cover of morning to nurse her

baby and make breakfast for her husband and her son, Timmy. But while she may look innocent

enough to the ordinary American who can see in comprehend, Merrick Garland, Federal Law

Guy, consents the criminal mastermind, hidden behind that face that only looks as pure as

the Virgin Mary's because she happens to be doing the sort of stuff the Virgin Mary used

to do when Jesus was a child. But Merrick Garland, Federal Law Guy, knows that in the deepest

darkest light of yesterday afternoon, Timmy's mom was poking her nosy nose into Timmy's

homework to discover that his local public school has been diligently teaching him how

...