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Slack.com slash DHQ. Due to a dangerous surge in nonsensical COVID stories and corporate

journalistic outlets, President and Vinal House Plant Joe Biden has announced he will suspend

the rule of law and take everyone's money away and give it to people he likes. Speaking

to a fishbowl that reminded him of that adorable Disney movie with the fish called What's

Her Name, who was played by that actress someone or other and kept forgetting something

or maybe that was a different picture, Biden said, quote, we all must come together in

believing that this terrible increase in nonsensical news stories about COVID is the fault of someone

other than myself. Maybe we should blame that big orange-haired guy who used to run around

scaring everyone while I was hiding in the basement. Or possibly, we should point the finger

at that squinty fellow on the evil cable channel where they disagree with all the nice people.

Or maybe I'll accuse all the Americans who aren't as smart as I thought they were because

they wouldn't do the irrational thing I told them to do when I told them to do it back when

I remembered what it was. In any case, whoever is to blame who isn't me, it's now their fault

that I have to ignore the rule of law and take away everyone's money and spend it on

infrastructure, like teaching little boys to wear dresses so Cory Booker won't feel bad

about being homosexual anymore. Or possibly I'm confusing Cory Booker with that gay guy

who thinks he's smart, I guess I'm not sure. And look folks, here's the deal. I have

...