The New York Times, a former newspaper, has launched an attempt to restore the career of

master journalist and beta Jeffrey Tuban. Tuban, a New Yorker writer and CNN legal analyst,

was suspended from both jobs after he was caught with his pants literally down,

Ruben is Tuban, during a Zoom call with other left-wing journalist colleagues,

some of whom used the pronouns she and her. Because they're women.

The Tuban-Ruben-Tuban is apparently exempt from the Me-Tuban movement because of all

his great left-wing journalism, like the time he knocked a girl up who wasn't his wife,

and then tried to stiffer on the child support payments. His other left-wing journalism

includes relentlessly attacking Donald Trump's morals and yanking his crank during a Zoom meeting.

The writers at the New York Times have sympathy for Tuban because they also practice left-wing

journalism, though hopefully they do it off camera in the privacy of their own homes.

Indeed, many at the times believe that after all the great left-wing journalism

Tuban did it the New Yorker, he shouldn't be penalized just because he did it once when ladies were

present. The question is, if Jeffrey and his Tuban are to be allowed to work again,

what job would be suitable for a man who plays with himself on camera?

One idea is that he might become a legal analyst at CNN. He could think of the Zoom call as a

sort of audition, or he could become Louis CK's opening act, or he could run for governor of

New York, kill thousands through pure incompetence, then write a book about how great he is, and win the

Emmy for best Jeffrey Tuban. But whatever is next for the Tuban-Ruban-Tuban, I think we've all

learned an important lesson. One should always treat women with respect and perform sexual acts

only with consent. Unless you're a left-winger, then all bets are off, and you can put your

Tuban anywhere you like. Trigger Warning, I'm Andrew Cleven, and this is The Andrew Cleven Show.

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