Joe Biden says America is back. 117-year-old president-elect made the announcement while on his back

in a hospital bed where he's recovering after breaking his foot while playing with Rover,

a stuffed unicorn who can get awfully darned frisky and has caused Biden to fall down several times

even though he was in a corner all the way across the room. Biden says he plans to engineer the

comeback of whatever he was talking about by completely reversing the policies of his predecessor,

George, you know the thing. For instance, President Thing believed in America first. Biden said

he will instead promote America eighth in which he deals with the nation's problems only after

tending to those of Lichtenstein, Kuzurkistan, Lusoto, Bhutan, and Dora, the Grenadines, and Kansas.

Likewise, Biden plans to change operation warp speed to operation Biden my time in which vaccines

to deal with the pandemic will be produced in the relaxed, nice and easy atmosphere of a friendly

checker game on a front porch in the middle of August and will be handed out one by one by gentle

old codgers and baggy pants and comfortable shoes after a friendly conversation and perhaps a cup

of tea assuming the recipient has not already died by the time all that's over. What's more,

Biden plans to completely dial back the Abraham Accords which have made great strides for bringing

peace to the Middle East and will instead implement the Obama Accords in which ambassadors from Saudi

Arabia and the United Arab Emirates meet in a locked room with the Iranian Revolutionary Guard

and whoever comes out alive gets to set Syria on fire while bombing Israel off the map.

Finally, Biden says he plans to reverse the Watchmen call it in order to lead whatever countries

in in a new direction to bring about something that he sure would be great if he could just remember

what it was. Biden says he hopes this program will finally inspire unity and friendship between

the Nazis on the other side and whatever idiots voted for him. I'm Andrew Clayvin and this is

the Andrew Clayvin Show.

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