Ted Audio Collective.

Audio Collective.

Here's the story.

At the beginning of a relationship, it's hot and heavy, sparks a fly-in,

but once you lose the spark... and that sex is no longer for you, or to fight,

to like spice things up to keep the spark alive.

But couples who sustain a strong sexual connection

over the long term, do not talk about Spark. From the TED Audio Collective, this is Design Matters with Debbie Milman.

For 19 years, Debbie Milman has been talking with designers and other creative people

about what they do, how they got to be who they are, and what they're thinking about

and working on.

On this episode, Emily Nagowski talks about the differences

between desire and pleasure when it comes to sex. And then comes the gut punch

question of so what kind of sex is worth wanting?

Does this sound familiar?

You're too fat and too thin, your breasts are too big and too small.

Your body is wrong.

If you're not trying to change it, you're lazy.

If you're satisfied with yourself as you are, you're settling.

And if you dare to actively like yourself, you're a conceited bitch.

In short, you are doing it wrong.

Do it differently. No, that's wrong too. Try something else.

...