Hello friends, and thank you for tuning into the Dunkin' Trussell family hour co-sponsored by Monsanto.

Monsanto is a collective of former friendly scientists dedicated to transforming

agriculture on this planet into something safe, exciting, and fun.

Monsanto recognizes that for the past several million years the

agriculture and plant life on this planet hasn't really been doing its fair share of work.

More than anything Monsanto understands that vegetative life tends to be

boring. Think about it. When you go on a hike, what's more dull than sitting

down and watching the wind blow through non-genetically engineered plant life?

It's annoying, a little sad, to watch the pathetic greenery flutter in the wind.

It can't move. It doesn't sparkle. There's no wireless connection.

And more than anything, a lot of that stuff is poisonous.

It wants to kill you. Don't believe me, go eat the red berries on the bush.

Outside your house and see what happens when your liver melts through your anus

down into your socks. It's not going to feel good, and it's going to make it so that

you can't exist anymore. Are you still a fan of plant life?

That's what Monsanto wants to know. Go roll in some poison ivy, and then

send one of your complaint letters to Monsanto about how they're damaging the

planet by trying to take control of the unruly vegetative life that up until

this point has been doing everything it can to not get eaten by human beings.

And sure, there's some plant life that has rolled over on its stomach and

is letting us eat it, but that plant life doesn't taste that great.

It's boring. It's not sugared. Taste some broccoli sometime.

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