We're going to get into the judge John Hodgman podcast in just a moment, but first we're

headed out on tour, the van freaks road show tour.

If you live in Belfast, Dublin, Edinburgh, London, Copenhagen, Lexington, Chicago, Madison,

St. Paul Austin, Atlanta, Durham, Charlottesville, Washington, DC, Portland, Boston, or streaming

live all over the world from Brooklyn, New York City.

We hope that you will get your tickets and we will see you there.

Find full information at vanfreaksroadshow.com.

Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

I'm your guest bailiff, Mati Balmati from 939 The River, W-R-S-I, and North Hampton,

Massachusetts, emergency tornado shelter of Judge John Hodgman.

This week, emergency podcast system, Kristen and Justin are a married couple.

Kristen says her husband isn't reacting with the proper amount of alarm to tornado warnings

in their town. Justin says he's weighed the risks and has his own game plan for tornadoes.

Who will be safe and sound somewhere underground and who is in danger of a house landing

upon them? Only one man can decide. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom.

This is a test. This podcast station is conducting a test of the emergency summary judgment system.

This is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, such as Judge John Hodgman failing to

find an appropriately cryptic cultural reference to make before beginning his podcast because it is

summer and he is lazy, you would next hear an emergency cultural reference in the form of bail

of Jesse Thorn, quoting various lines from his favorite movie. And the summary judgment itself

would be decided arbitrarily by computers buried underground. But this is only a test.

There is no way John Hodgman would be so lazy in summary as to not find an appropriate cultural

...