Oh, it's always a pleasure. You know, I'm a long-time fan, very happy in my old age to become friends with you, if I may say so.

Thank you.

I have your phone number, so I'll badger you if you don't say that we're friends.

We are friends, Stephen. We know that.

That's almost believable.

Thank you very much.

One thing about talking to guests, even ones who I know a little bit, is that this is not enough time to actually plumb the depths of their soul.

It usually skips across the surface a little bit, even an interviewer as good as I am.

So, I do like to get to know people for who they really are, you know, as it says in Corinthians 2.

Okay, here you are.

So, the scientists up in Lacho Labs have come up with 15 questions that unerringly, heat-seekingly find the soul of the subject and reveal them to the world.

Are you ready to be known, Elvis Costello?

I guess I have no escape father.

That is right. We've locked the doors to the theater.

Yeah.

This is the Colbert Questionnaire.

Elvis Costello, what is the best sandwich?

The best sandwich.

Yes.

A conny-onny buddy.

I'm sorry, what is that?

Ah!

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