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Ever Forward Radio with Chase Chewning

EFR 934: Unsingle - How to Date Smarter and Create Love That Lasts with Amy Chan

Ever Forward Radio with Chase Chewning

Chase Chewning

Education, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness

5.0 • 947 Ratings

🗓️ 13 April 2026

⏱️ 74 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

This episode is brought to you by Audible, Ancient + Brave, Strong Coffee Company and Fatty15.

Today we welcome relationship expert Amy Chan to break down the science of heartbreak, attachment patterns, and modern dating, revealing why breakups feel like addiction withdrawal and how high-performers often sabotage their healing by avoiding emotions instead of processing them. You'll learn how to stop ruminating on your ex, rebuild your identity after a breakup, and create new neural pathways through intentional action, as well as why strategies like "staying friends" or "winning the breakup" often backfire. Amy also shares her dating funnel framework, helping listeners understand how to move from casual dating to committed relationships while avoiding common pitfalls like confusing preferences with dealbreakers. This conversation is a powerful guide for anyone looking to move on faster, date smarter, and build healthier, more conscious relationships.

Follow Amy @missamychan

Follow Chase @chase_chewning

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00:00 – Why You Can't Skip the Pain of a Breakup

00:28 – Feeling vs Avoiding Emotions

00:58 – What Happens When You Suppress Pain

01:26 – Meet Amy Chan

01:51 – The Problem with Forcing Forgiveness

02:47 – The Science of Breakup Withdrawal

04:15 – Why Men Struggle More After Breakups

05:26 – Rebound Relationships Explained

06:30 – How Long It Really Takes to Heal

08:40 – Your Brain on Heartbreak (Addiction Comparison)

09:09 – Why No Contact Works

10:12 – The Reality of Avoiding Your Ex

11:11 – Why Doing Nothing Slows Healing

12:07 – How to Stop Ruminating

13:19 – Building New Neural Pathways

14:38 – Trying to "Win" the Breakup

15:57 – What to Do in the First 30 Days

17:19 – How Friends Should Support You

18:16 – Different Types of Breakups

19:53 – Should You Ever Get Back Together?

22:32 – Why Hooking Up with Your Ex Sets You Back

23:21 – The Danger of Staying Friends Too Soon

24:29 – Healing vs Avoidance

25:47 – Pedestal vs Villain Mindsets

27:32 – Living in Reality vs Fantasy

29:19 – The Dating Funnel Explained

31:03 – From Dating to Commitment

32:29 – Biggest Dating Mistakes Today

33:31 – Preferences vs Dealbreakers

34:28 – Dating Skills vs Relationship Skills

36:34 – How to Create Attraction on Dates

39:14 – Desperation & Dating Energy

41:25 – What Men Get Wrong on Dates

42:04 – Dating After Long-Term Relationships

44:23 – What Predicts Relationship Success

45:16 – Why Your "Type" Is Holding You Back

46:33 – The Dating Experiment That Works

49:31 – Dating Apps vs Real-Life Connections

51:27 – Optimizing Your Dating Profile

53:02 – Best Cities for Dating

54:54 – Aligning Strategy with Relationship Goals

56:56 – Are You Delusional in Dating?

58:30 – Money, Roles & Modern Relationships

01:00:28 – Navigating Family & Cultural Differences

01:02:30 – Final Lesson: Keep Your Heart Open

01:03:27 – What Relationships Are Really For

01:04:09 – How to Move Ever Forward in Love

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Episode resources:

Transcript

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0:00.0

The following is an Operation Podcast Production.

0:04.6

I hate to say should in any scenario, but really, I think you probably know what you should be

0:08.6

doing to heal from this breakup.

0:10.8

Like, especially for the overachievers or like, okay, I'm going to do all the things.

0:14.2

You don't want to distract yourself.

0:16.2

I think it's important that you allow time for your feelings to be felt. And if you don't have a very close

0:24.0

relationship with your own feelings and you don't even know if you're feeling it, it requires

0:28.0

silence. It requires the ability to be bored. Getting to forgiveness, there's so many different

0:35.5

stages. You have to feel sad. You have to feel angry.

0:39.1

Oh, sometimes when my clients are pedestaling their ex, I'm like, anger is a very necessary pit stop in the healing process.

0:46.1

And if you just bypass all of that and just like read the Instagram quotes, which is like, forgiveness and like, you know, hating your ex is like

0:54.7

poison. Like, great. But that's not reality based. I think that's what a lot of guys jump to.

1:01.0

Yeah. And, you know, it helps remove the sting in that immediate term. But what I've always seen is that

1:08.3

that pain doesn't just go away because you've pushed it away. It starts to grow

1:13.6

inside you. And so it's either going to seep out in your current relationship or one day there will be a

1:19.8

big blow up. They one day have all this regret and suddenly they pedestal their ex as the one who got

1:26.2

away. Hi. I'm Amy Chan. I'm the author of Unsingle, How to Date Smarter and Create Love That Last, and the founder of Renew Breakup Boot Camp. I'm here on Ever Forward Radio. Hey guys, my guest today, Amy Chan is here to talk about her amazing new book and I have so many amazing authors pretty frequently on the show. Now, if maybe you want to get

1:44.6

the hard copy, amazing. Do it. I love the hard copy myself. I'm going to have it linked for you in the

1:48.9

show notes. But one way that I have found to add extra retention and honestly just to help support

1:54.1

my reading habits when I'm on the go is Audible, my favorite audiobook platform. And right now,

2:00.0

as a friend of the show, you can actually get a free 30-day trial of Audible, my favorite audiobook platform. And right now, as a friend of the show, you can actually

2:01.9

get a free 30-day trial of Audible, which equates to a book credit. So you could get Emmy's

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