What I've dedicated my life to is revenge. A brand new drama based on the best-selling novel. They think they're better than us. Who do you think you are? I'm going to prove to them that they're wrong. She's punishing me. You destroyed my family. I will not rest until I've destroyed yours. A Woman of Substance on Channel 4 starts tonight at 9.

The first book I remember reading was The Rainbow Fish.

Expect it, I know.

But that experience of color, of beauty, of a life outside my own, it was addicting from the first moment. But that's not where this story starts.

It starts in the office of Yvonne Rauschenberg.

And I don't need to tell you who that is.

If you were a middle schooler at any point in the last 25 years,

you read one of her magic clock tower books.

And if you're like me, you couldn't

put them down. Which is why when the opportunity to work as her assistant came up five years ago,

I jumped at the chance. I mean, what aspiring children's book illustrator slash author

wouldn't. But that's not where this story starts either. It starts here. Now.

Oh, that's Emma, Yvonne's agent, her third in 12 years, and already jaded at the ripe age of 30.

She's waiting for Yvonne. You think she'd be used to it by now.

Okay, any word? She said she'd be here in five by now. Okay, any word?

She said she'd be here in five. Oh, great. But that was 23 minutes ago. Oh. I'm sure she'll be here any minute. Really? Some minute, at least. I don't want her to read the reviews until I can talk to her. Don't worry. She doesn't know how to Google. Have you read them? Um, just Kirkus and Publishers Weekly and Booklist. Oh, so all of them? I was hoping there would be something good. Did you like the book? Yeah, I'm excited by any new Magic Clock Tower installment. Well, that's just because you're a fan. I am a critical reader. Oh, did you like dress up as the fairy queen for four straight Halloweens?

Well, that's just because you're a fan. I am a critical reader. Oh, did you, like, dress up as the fairy queen for four straight Halloweens?

Well, yeah.

Must not have been hard to tell your parents you were gay.

Yeah, my mother said, finally, when I came out.

Hello, I'm late, I'm late, I know.

Miles, I left my cell phone in the Uber. Can you do something about that? Emma, darling.

...