E229: Ask A Sex Therapist: Swallowing, Fetishes, + Exes

Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin

Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 2.6K Ratings

🗓️ 9 October 2025

⏱️ 63 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Every week on Instagram, we host “Ask Us Anything” sessions. And honestly? We get way more questions than we could ever answer in stories. So today, we’re bringing some of those unanswered Qs straight to the podcast to give you deeper answers, real stories, and the honest, judgment-free advice you’ve been waiting for. Get ready, because we’re tackling some of your biggest, wildest curiosities about sex, intimacy, and relationships. 💛 Here’s what we’re getting into: Why some guys are so into swallowing (and what it really means). When “lasting too long” in bed becomes its own problem. How to tell your new partner about things you liked with an ex. What to do when you can’t seem to drop a fetish. Healing steps for survivors of sexual trauma who want a healthy sex life. What happens when you both want the other person to initiate. And that’s just the beginning — this episode is packed with your real questions and our no-BS answers. 🔗 Links & Resources Ready to uncover your unique intimacy blueprint? Take our free Intimacy Quiz and learn the key that drives your connection: 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/5keys Treat your partner to the best foreplay they’ve ever had 👉🏻The Ultimate Foreplay Guides http://vmtherapy.com/foreplay Learn how to initiate with confidence 👉🏻The Art of Initiation https://vmtherapy.com/initiation Unlock expert tools, our core course library, and more inside our membership 👉🏻 Deeper https://vmtherapy.com/deeper 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ **https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander** 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and plenty of flirty fun. Sign up here 👉 https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods. Timestamps 00:00 – Intro 03:00 – Why are guys so into swallowing? 11:04 – My partner lasts too long in bed 22:47 – How do I bring up things an ex used to do to me with my partner? 30:54 – Scheduling sex feels awkward—how do I get over that? 39:52 – How to get over a fetish 47:30 – How to reassure your partner with ED 56:19 – How SA survivors can have a great sex life 58:31 – What to do if we both want the other partner to initiate ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Audible Romance. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial ➡︎https://Audible.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cure. Use code PILLOW for 20% off your first order ➡︎http://curehydration.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOWTALKS for up to 20% off! And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right here!. ➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks OneSkin. Get 15% off OneSkin with the code PILLOW ➡︎https://oneskin.co/HAIR Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Am I crazy for thinking my partner sometimes last too long in bed? No option for a quickie with us.
0:05.3	I find it really awkward to schedule sex. How do I get over that? How do I bring up things I liked
0:10.7	in the bedroom that my ex used to do to my new partner? All right, we're taking a hard right turn here,
0:15.6	Vanessa. How to get over a fetish? I have one. I can't seem to drop. Why are guys so into swallowing?
0:22.6	So as our resident guy, tell us.
0:31.2	Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast.
0:34.7	We're your host, Vanessa.
0:36.1	And Xander Marin.
0:37.4	I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years
0:39.5	of experience. And I'm just a regular dude. We share the ups and downs in our relationship while
0:44.3	giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Make sure you subscribe for your weekly
0:49.5	double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories
0:55.8	of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more.
1:00.5	It's the sex education you wish you'd had.
1:05.0	So every Sunday on our Instagram account, we do ask us anything Sunday.
1:10.2	We give our community the chance to just ask us literally any question. How can we help? How can we be of service? Try to stump us. Yeah. Also, if you're not following us on Instagram already, definitely come join the party. We're at Vanessa. We're at Vanessa. Yeah, Vanessa and Xander. Zander is with an X. So every week we get thousands of questions.
1:30.3	Like we can't even get through all of them.
1:32.3	And of course we can't answer, we only answer like the tiniest little fraction of them.
1:35.3	But we get so many good questions.
1:37.3	So we thought, you know what?
1:38.3	Let's take some of the questions that we couldn't get to last week and let's dive into it
1:43.3	in the podcast episode.
	...

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