E227: Initiation: What You’re Getting Wrong And How To Get It Right

Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin

Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 2.6K Ratings

🗓️ 25 September 2025

⏱️ 58 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Hot take: when you finally get initiation right, your entire sex life opens up. Think about it. No more awkward “was that supposed to be a signal?” moments. No more pressure on just one person to get things started. And no more cycle of rejection and resentment. When initiation feels fun, confident, and mutual, everything else in your sex life starts to feel easier, more connected, and a lot more exciting. We’re back with a re-air of one of our most popular episodes ever, because initiation is one of the biggest challenges couples face. 💛 In this episode, you’ll learn: The biggest mistakes couples make when it comes to initiation (and what to do instead). Why one partner often feels all the pressure, and how to change it up and share the spark. How to shift from frustration and rejection to connection and desire. Practical strategies to make initiation feel exciting, flirty, fun, and hot again. If you’ve ever felt frustrated, annoyed, or even rejected by your partner’s initiation attempts (or lack of them), this conversation will help you see both sides of the equation and give you totally do-able techniques you can try tonight. 🔥 $40 FLASH SALE : Art Of Initiation 🔥 We’re doing something we’ve never done before. For this weekend only, get our top-selling course, Art of Initiation, for just $40 (normally $89). That’s more than 50% off! Now through Sunday, September 28, 2025 Inside, you’ll learn how to initiate in ways that actually feel amazing for both of you. Trust us, it’s a total game-changer. 👉 Grab AOI here: vmtherapy.com/initiation and use code FLASH40 at checkout. Links & Resources 👉 E73: Do You Ever “Owe” Sex To Your Partner?: https://vmtherapy.com/episode73 👉 What’s Your Sex Drive Type? Free Download: https://free.vmtherapy.com/sex-drive-type 👉 E38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First?: https://vmtherapy.com/episode38 👉 E183: How To Get More Emotional Intimacy From Your Partner https://vmtherapy.com/episode183 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods. ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Skims. Shop SKIMS Fits Everybody collection at SKIMS.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows. ➡︎https://www.skims.com/pillow 👏Thanks goPure. Use the code PILLOW to get 25% off ➡︎https://gopure.com 👏Thanks Cowboy Colostrum. Get 25% off when you use the code PILLOW. ➡︎https://www.cowboycolostrum.com 👏Thanks Hungryroot. Use code pillow to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life➡︎https://Hungryroot.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Most couples are doing initiation totally wrong.
0:03.3	So many of us think of initiation as a shot in the dark.
0:07.2	Like it's kind of this big high pressure, super vulnerable thing that in most relationships, only one partner is doing.
0:14.8	So in this episode, you're going to learn what so many of us are getting wrong about initiation,
0:20.4	some simple ways to fix it, very practical tools and techniques that you couldn't put to use.
0:30.9	Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast. We're your host, Vanessa.
0:35.9	And Zander Marin.
0:37.1	I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years of
0:39.3	experience. And I'm just a regular dude. We share the ups and downs in our relationship while
0:44.1	giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Make sure you subscribe for your weekly
0:49.2	double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what
0:56.1	really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more.
1:00.2	It's the sex education you wish you'd had.
1:04.6	So today we are re-earing one of our most popular episodes of all time.
1:10.0	We have been doing the podcast for like four.
1:14.6	Almost four years? Four years now? Or is it just four years? Crazy. Yeah, just about four years now.
1:19.6	And we have so many good episodes from the archives that, you know, unless you're a super dedicated
1:26.1	listener, which sometimes we do hear from people
1:27.8	who are like, we had a 24-hour road trip and we went back and listened to every episode of the podcast. Oh, you cannot listen to that in 24 hours. That would be, I mean, this is... In 227 hours. But, you know, sometimes we hear people like, yeah, we went way back in the archives. But the majority of people, I know,
1:44.5	you know, you can kind of start here and now and you listen to the episodes going forward.
1:48.5	So there are so many great episodes that people have never had a chance to really listen to.
1:54.3	So we decided every now and again, we pull one out of the archives, re-share it,
	...

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