E224: The Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys & Tools

Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin

Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 2.6K Ratings

🗓️ 4 September 2025

⏱️ 62 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

There is absolutely zero shame in using toys in the bedroom. In fact, they can be a game-changer for pleasure, intimacy, and just plain fun. Whether you’re curious about where to start, nervous about how your partner might react, or worried about your kids (or pets!) discovering your stash, we’re covering it all in today’s episode. We’re also sharing some of the funniest (and most relatable) real-life sex toy stories you sent us. Because if you’ve ever had a vibrator confiscated by your toddler or opened a box of anal beads in front of your in-laws, you are definitely not alone. 💛 Here’s what we’re diving into: The best starter toy for women How to talk to your partner about wanting to use toys (without hurting their feelings) Whether orgasms feel different with a toy Why it’s totally normal if toys aren’t your thing Talking to men about male sex toys Using toys solo vs. with a partner How often to use toys (and why your partner should never “hand you off” to one) The best ways to store your toys so kids or family don’t stumble across them Hilarious (and mortifying) real-life mishaps from our listeners If you’ve ever had questions about sex toys and tools or just want a good laugh at the stories we’ve collected — this one’s for you. Resources & Links: Our sex toy recommendations ➡️https://vmtherapy.com/recommended-products Episode 172 How to Bring Toys Into the The Bedroom Without Making it Weird ➡️https://vmtherapy.com/episode172 ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Sex toys are just one way to keep things fun and connected in your relationship. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, you’ll get: Expert-led guides and courses on intimacy, pleasure, and communication Two brand-new date night ideas every month (one cute, one sexy) Monthly live calls with us where you can ask us your questions directly Unlimited access to Vanessa AI — your 24/7 virtual sex + relationship coach A private, supportive community of couples working on the same goals Whether you’re brand-new to exploration in the bedroom or just looking for fresh ways to connect, Deeper gives you all the tools, tips, and real-talk support to make your relationship feel exciting again. 💛 Learn more at vmtherapy.com/deeper 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! Timestamps 00:00 – Intro 04:21 – Safety tips: What “For Novelty Use Only” really means 11:11 – Best beginner toy for women 19:24 – How to talk to your husband about toys (without hurting his feelings) 26:21 – Will your orgasm feel different with a toy? 29:03 – Is it normal to not enjoy toys? 30:26 – Can toys make pleasure harder without them? 37:57 – Male partners trying toys for the first time 43:48 – What if you only want to use toys solo (not with a partner)? 48:44 – Should you use toys every time? 53:50 – How to store toys discreetly 55:43 – Funny toy stories ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks OneSkin. Get 15% off OneSkin with the code PILLOW ➡︎https://www.oneskin.co/ 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOWTALKS for 40% off! And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair and skin with Blissy and use PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off ➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD 👏Thanks Audible. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial! ➡︎https://Audible.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Alright, you've got your first toy.
0:01.6	Now, how do I talk to my husband about wanting to use it without hurting his feelings?
0:06.5	Is it okay to not like using toys in the bedroom or is that normal?
0:10.4	Can using toys diminish the ability to find pleasure and orgasm without them?
0:15.7	How do I talk to my male partner about wanting him to try out male sex toys.
0:21.6	Okay, now on the flip side, should we be using toys every time?
0:24.6	I feel like my husband would rather me use a toy to finish than do the work himself.
0:28.6	Oh, ho, oh.
0:30.6	We're getting to all ends of the spectrum here. I like this.
0:45.5	Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast. We're your host, Vanessa, and Zander Marin.
0:51.0	I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years of experience. And I'm just a regular dude. We share the ups and downs in our relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours.
0:56.1	Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice,
1:02.6	hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more.
1:08.9	It's the sex education you wish you'd had.
1:13.3	Today we're here to answer all of your questions about using toys in the bedroom. And no,
1:19.9	we're not talking about lububos. We're talking about vibrators and butt plugs and sex swings. Oh my,
1:26.8	do you know what a liboooo is? No, I was about to ask.
1:30.1	Please enlighten me. I barely know what it is. They're like, you just have to look at up.
1:38.6	We have to look at a picture. It's like a little, I guess the closest thing I can, L-A-B-U-B-U. The closest thing I can compare it to is like a little... How do you spell it?
1:44.6	L-A-B-U-U.
1:46.0	The closest thing I can compare it to is like a troll.
1:49.1	Like, this is what they look like.
	...

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