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Episode One

E2 #57 - The Therapeutic Advice of the BRAN 5000 [Patreon Preview]

Episode One

Episode One

Comedy

4.8858 Ratings

🗓️ 19 February 2024

⏱️ 5 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

The BRAN 5000 (Branson) and Dr. Cloak Barrows (Andrew) try to help Randy Momo (Charles) overcome his state of extended adolescence. Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/98780247

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Randy has a very low physical and emotional pain tolerance.

0:05.8

I instructed user to rub some dirt on it when he skins his knee.

0:11.6

It should not be something that a grown man cries about.

0:15.5

Well, the reason for those so-called low emotional thresholds and everything is that I'm so much smarter than people like you, Dr. Cloak Barrows, and apps like you, Brand 5,000.

0:24.8

Because I was only like nine when I realized that God doesn't even exist.

0:29.2

And it's like no one even cares that I realize that.

0:31.6

And sometimes like I wish there was a God who could see me realizing he doesn't exist

0:36.7

and then congratulate me and like bestow

0:40.7

riches upon me for like being so smart that I realized that he couldn't exist that you know like

0:45.8

it makes me wish he existed so he could realize that I realized that he doesn't exist because I'm

0:49.7

so smart you know what I mean?

0:51.2

Fruity behavior detected pain is not real and emotional pain is even less real.

0:59.3

Well, then how come I just feel like shit all the time and everything is bullshit all

1:04.3

the time?

1:05.1

Generating an image of you feeling happier because you are holding your CDL license,

1:10.8

Class A.

1:12.5

That's just to me, it looks like a world where Regis is still alive.

1:16.5

Zumbini's have the number one movie in America.

1:20.1

And Bury Boo goes to see the Zumbini's movie with me.

1:24.1

And well, now I'm just getting even more depressed thinking about all that.

1:28.4

I mean, I think you realize that Zimbini is still around.

1:32.6

You could still play it, Randy.

...

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