E168 - Alua Arthur: The Conversation About Death That Will Change How You Live
Know Thyself
André Duqum
4.8 • 658 Ratings
🗓️ 21 October 2025
⏱️ 94 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Death doula, attorney, and spiritual guide Alua Arthur joins us to explore how embracing mortality awakens us to life’s deepest meaning. Through her book Briefly Perfectly Human and her work helping people die with peace and purpose, Alua invites us to face what we fear most — not to prepare for dying, but to learn how to live fully. We explore the taboos around death, the regrets people hold at the end of life, and the powerful clarity that comes from asking what remains undone.
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00:00 Intro
04:20 What Is a Death Doula?
08:10 How Facing Death Changes How We Live
12:45 Why We Fear Death
17:15 Imagining Your Own Death
21:40 The Most Common Regrets of the Dying
26:05 What Remains Undone in Your Life?
28:18 Ad: Pique Life
30:10 Facing Mortality as a Spiritual Practice
34:50 The Art of Dying Well
39:25 The Beauty of Grief and Letting Go
43:10 How to Be Present With the Dying
47:30 Conversations About Death With Loved Ones
51:00 How Alua Found Her Calling
55:40 What Dying People Teach About Living Fully
1:00:15 Grief, Identity, and Rebirth
1:05:30 How to Support Someone Who’s Grieving
1:10:45 The Mystery of What Happens After Death
1:15:00 The “Glitter Wave” Theory of Consciousness
1:20:20 Reimagining Rituals Around Death
1:25:40 Living Authentically Before It’s Too Late
1:30:00 Conclusion
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Episode Resources:
https://www.instagram.com/alualoveslife/
https://www.instagram.com/going_with_grace/
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BSP6FVYR/
https://www.instagram.com/andreduqum/
https://www.instagram.com/knowthyself/
https://www.youtube.com/@knowthyselfpodcast
https://www.knowthyselfpodcast.com
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | When I'm in the space of somebody else dying, |
| 0:02.0 | I'm doing my best not to put my fears about dying on them, |
| 0:05.0 | so I can just be present for their experience. |
| 0:07.0 | Death brings up a lot of feelings in us, |
| 0:10.0 | but I just think societally we don't make space for the conversation. |
| 0:13.0 | A couple of really key things, I imagine myself on my deathbed. |
| 0:17.0 | I imagine somebody who's elderly, somebody who has had these grand adventures, |
| 0:21.6 | and when I have her in mind, then it allows me to direct my actions today. |
| 0:25.6 | Let's meet the person on our deathbed that we actually want to be. |
| 0:29.6 | The question is, what must I do? |
| 0:32.6 | Most of the regret is about what we did or didn't do. |
| 0:36.6 | I think all of our fears are fear of death, |
| 0:38.8 | but once we start looking deeper into it, |
| 0:41.1 | we can learn much about who we are and how we live. |
| 0:44.1 | I love grief. |
| 0:45.9 | Sounds a little strange, but I really, I love grief. |
| 0:49.2 | You're clearly doing what you love. |
| 0:50.5 | Yeah, they're not gonna forget around me. |
| 0:52.0 | You're gonna die. |
| 0:53.0 | Yeah. What do you think happens after around me. You're going to die. Yeah. |
| 0:56.3 | What do you think happens after we die? |
| 0:57.8 | I have this working theory. |
... |
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