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Episode One

E0 #7 - Gilroy Monsanto’s Second State of the Union Address [Preview] [Patreon Exclusive]

Episode One

Episode One

Comedy

4.8881 Ratings

🗓️ 31 July 2020

⏱️ 5 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Gilroy Monsanto (@necrobranson) delivers his second State of the Union Address at the Terre Haute Hooters, addressesing corruption allegations and announcing his candidacy for Terre Haute mayor. Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/39939610

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

These dollar bills, some of them been around for 20, 40 years, they're going to see some things.

0:05.9

You're going to have semen on that money.

0:07.8

You're going to have blood on that money.

0:09.6

You're going to have doo-doo on the money.

0:11.1

And this is not metaphorical.

0:12.5

Do not think this is metaphorical.

0:14.2

This is purely factual.

0:16.2

There's blood and do-d-do and semen on all of the money that you have right now your wallet is probably filled

0:22.4

with blood and semen pubic hair and cocaine and zanx and even quailudes if the money's old enough

0:30.8

because i don't i can't get my hands on none of that no more but i'm sure it's still on there

0:35.7

because that money's so old. But I just really hope that

0:41.0

you know, we stay as Americans focused on the facts. Being arrested does not mean I have been

0:48.5

charged. There will be an insanely lengthy trial. I mean, we're talking five, six years. By the time anything goes

0:58.4

through, you know, no way he's going to give a shit. They're going to be a new COVID, right?

1:05.2

Everybody's going to be having to walk around and, you know, like burqas and full body suits in order to stay away from this thing so

1:12.9

I'm betting on that I'm hoping there's another not hoping but you know what I mean I'm

1:17.3

counting on it not like emotionally but like legally so just wanted to get ahead of that I just

1:25.7

wanted to address those rumors right off the bat.

1:29.8

But we need to stay firm that this does not interact with my plan for a $600 million bailout of Pfizer in the Terre Haute region, which we are trying to put forth this legislation for a bailout after Bloodgate, where, you know, that medical blood that was taken from the citizens of Terre Haute through test trials at night when they were sleeping, that they don't necessarily know how Pfizer got into their homes. It wasn't necessarily stated, but I feel

2:01.9

like it was an understood thing, like the vibe back and forth. We were like, Pfizer was kind of

2:07.7

projecting to the people as they were signing up. Like, you know we're going to, not like saying it,

2:11.8

but projecting it, like, I'm coming into your house. And I thought it was like a vibe thing

...

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