Drama Free: Untangling Chaotic Relationships with Nedra Tawwab

For The Love With Jen Hatmaker Podcast

Jen Hatmaker

Relationships, Society & Culture

4.6 • 6.4K Ratings

🗓️ 3 May 2023

⏱️ 54 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Welcome back, Chaos-breakers! We’re here trying to shake things up with another episode in our For the Love of Calming the Chaos–and this ones hitting us right where we live. Relationships; we’ve all got them, some we’re born into, others we choose, and others choose us. But what happens when certain relationships tax our energy, fill us with dread, and drain us of all ability to manage them? We have a great guide today to help us reframe relationships that have become dysfunctional, and how we can minimize the drama and chaos they bring. Therapist Nedra Tawwab is back on the show, and we couldn’t be happier. Nedra’s wildly popular Instagram account brings us life on the daily with her practical tips on recognizing when relationships are out of whack, how they might have gotten there, and how we can survive and thrive in the midst of it. Nedra has written two best selling books Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, and Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships. Nedra and Jen get into the following topics around eradicating relationship drama in our lives: The sometimes difficult but very possible ways to begin creating healthy family dynamics Finding the courage to have conversations with people when they hurt our feelings How to create boundaries and what to do when those boundaries aren’t respected Learning how to discern love from dysfunction in our relationships Life is full of chaos and confusion, and it is important to find a balance between healthy relationships and self-care to maintain peace. Nedra provides us the tools to express ourselves, say no, and be open to uncomfortable conversations. * * * Thank you to our sponsors! Rothy’s | $20 off your first purchase by visiting Rothys.com/forthelove Make Me Care About…Podcast | Jen is hosting a special podcast series produced by the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. Check out "Make Me Care About..." wherever you get your podcasts. Storyworth | Save $10 on your first purchase. Visit Storyworth.com/forthelove Thought-Provoking Quotes “Being a human is a lot of content in and of itself.” - Nedra Tawwab “Adulthood is really interesting because you have this opportunity to grow up and be your own person. But so many of us are still very much our parent's child. And I mean child in the sense that we’re a little child where [our parents] are still very much ruling what we’re able to do–at least when they're with us.” – Nedra Tawwab “How often are we willing to have those conversations and let people know they hurt our feelings?” - Nedra Tawwab “We all have a different capacity to tolerate dysfunctional things.” - Nedra Tawwab “So we really have to disentangle love from dysfunction, because we often think that because I love these people, I have to accept the dysfunction.” - Nedra Tawwab “We have to decide how much we are willing to give of ourselves to be in certain relationships with people, family.” - Nedra Tawwab “The biggest thing we have to focus on is ourselves. And that's really hard because the really easy thing is to change the other person.” - Nedra Tawwab Guest’s Links Nedra’s Website Nedra’s Instagram Nedra’s Facebook Resources Mentioned in This Episode Set Boundaries, Find Peace book by Nedra Tawwab Drama Free book by Nedra Tawwab Connect with Jen! Jen’s website Jen’s Instagram Jen’s Twitter Jen’s Facebook Jen’s YouTube To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi everybody, Jen Hatmaker here, your host of The For The Love Podcast. Welcome to the show.
0:10.0	This is my kind of series, I think, because not only is it so usable for me, I know it's usable for you.
0:16.0	I'm just like fascinated with every conversation we have in this series.
0:22.0	We are in a whole repertoire called For The Love of Calming the Chaos.
0:29.0	And I know, because I'm always listening to you, that you, like me, just, there's this common sense right now, being just overwhelmed.
0:43.0	Kind of an overwhelmed feeling every day. And sometimes even the sense that chaos has replaced any kind of normal flow of life.
0:54.0	And we are on the receiving end of it, like things are just happening to us and around us, right?
0:59.0	And we're tossed to in fro by whatever keeps happening and we're too tired to figure out how we've even got here in the first place.
1:07.0	And sometimes we cause our own overwhelm for a million reasons. We try to do it all ourselves or we procrastinate and things pile up causing us way more problems if we just tackled it in a moment.
1:18.0	That's one of my key flaws. But sometimes we're in chaos and we don't know why we can't really pinpoint it.
1:27.0	And we're in the same form as we keep making maybe decisions that don't serve us and invite more chaos into our life.
1:35.0	Maybe it's through the kind of relationships we invite in or are already in or maybe we're self-medicating with the just poison of our choice or shutting down altogether, like unable to function.
1:47.0	And we just don't know why we just keep going, I just can't, I cannot hold this thread straight.
1:55.0	For this episode to kind of walk us through some of these ideas, particularly by helping us look at how we might have come to the patterns, the responses, the behaviors that we currently exhibit through our family structures that we grew up in.
2:13.0	Returning to the show is Nedra to walk. I love her. Nedra is a licensed therapist. He is the queen in my heart of the most practical actionable advice. You can find on the internet these days. Honestly, look seriously, if you don't follow her, it's strange. I often feel like she is reading my daily mail.
2:32.0	She's so gifted at distilling the things that we are often collectively feeling and then holding our hands and figuring out how to address it. Please do follow her on Instagram and I will put the link up. It's called.
2:46.0	Nedra is the author of the New York time bestselling books set boundaries, find peace, which we talked about the first time she was on the show.
2:56.0	And now she's written a book that addresses the very topic we want to cover today and it's called get excited drama free, a guide to managing unhealthy family relationships.
3:09.0	So Nedra is helping us sort of peel back the curtain here on our earliest relationships with our family of origin and how this often sets the tone for how we navigate life for better for worse, right.
3:22.0	And she is so good at identifying not just where the problem begins, but what to do with it, right.
3:30.0	She tackles what dysfunctional families look and feel like and then what we're all here for how to break free. She's done a ton of work around boundaries, which are required toward calming the chaos in our lives required.
3:45.0	And so we're going to talk to her about what is this look like practically, where does the buck stop, what do we do with the discomfort, what do boundaries look like are the levels of boundaries.
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