Why do people refuse to say what they see, and, what everyone knows…whether or not they’re willing to acknowledge it? Is there some benefit to keeping quiet, adhering to the “unwritten rules,” and, is there a time and place to break tradition?

Today, I’m joined by Harvard professor, Dr. Steven Pinker to answer these questions. We also discuss the difference between common knowledge and common wisdom, whether or not it’s hypocrisy to stay quiet about the unwritten rules, when to be radically honest or complacently quiet, how to judge risk in your honesty, how the “Abeline Paradox” will serve you, and the importance of male initiation.

SHOW HIGHLIGHTS
00:00 – Welcome and introduction to Steven Pinker
00:45 – Defining “common knowledge” vs. “common sense”
03:11 – “Don’t ask, don’t tell” and social hypocrisy
07:46 – Cultural shifts and the meaning of hypocrisy
09:41 – Morality, religion, and policy contradictions
11:21 – Hidden hypocrisies: paper bags and escort services
14:07 – How common knowledge shapes power (Taiwan example)
17:05 – “Coming out” and the social costs of honesty
20:10 – Honesty vs. tact in relationships
23:13 – Learning social nuance: autism and empathy
31:00 – Layers of communication and meaning
34:50 – The Abilene paradox and pluralistic ignorance
38:02 – How silence empowers repression
42:42 – Conformity and social conditioning
44:06 – Building virtuous influence as men
47:22 – Civilizing young men and the role of masculinity
51:48 – The crisis of modern manhood
54:08 – Ruthless honesty with compassion (closing)

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