Don't Trust The Ocean

Bloodline Banter

2M Media Group

Society & Culture, Comedy

5.0 • 657 Ratings

🗓️ 26 March 2026

⏱️ 40 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Welcome back to Bloodline Banter, where this week we learn that Instacart is a gamble, the ocean is actually just monster soup, and apparently there is a correct way to say “Walmart.” Spoiler: if you don’t put The in front of it, then you’re crazy. In this episode we skip normal conversation altogether and jump right into the chaos you'd expect: our trust issues with grocery stores, outfit critiques, and whether dressing for success includes joggers, New Balance sneakers, and absolutely zero shame. From there it turns into a full investigation into things we thought were fancy growing up (if y’all had that Sonic ice in your homes, then you were living in LUXURY) and how one bad wave in the Bahamas can ruin your relationship with the entire ocean forever. Sorry, monster soup. Naturally, things only get more unhinged. We debate caramel vs caramel, sprite vs sprat, pants vs britches, and why some people clearly skipped pre-K and it shows. There’s also a deep dive into screen time, TikTok algorithms, and the very real theory that Apple is personally sabotaging your phone battery every September. And of course, Cousin Counsel does not disappoint. We’re talking dead goldfish funerals, potentially alive hamsters getting launched into the woods (like guys what?), and why some people absolutely should not be trusted with pets… or decisions… or honestly anything. If you’ve ever argued about how to pronounce a word, refused to get in the ocean because something might eat you, or said “womp womp” to a hate comment and moved on with your life, this episode is for you. Submit all stories, questions, and shenanigans to be featured on Cousin Counsel to bloodlinebanter@thecastcollective.com LETS GET SOCIAL: Bloodline Banter: Instagram - (https://www.instagram.com/bloodlinebanterofficial/) Tiktok - (https://www.tiktok.com/@bloodlinebanterofficial/) Snapchat - (https://www.snapchat.com/@bloodlinebanter) Email - (bloodlinebanter@thecastcollective.com) Landon Mauk: Snapchat - (https://www.snapchat.com/@landonmauk) Instagram - (https://www.instagram.com/itslandonmauk/) Tiktok - (https://www.tiktok.com/@landon.mauk) Facebook - (https://www.facebook.com/landonmauk/) Riley Mitchell: Snapchat - (https://www.snapchat.com/@rileygmitchell3) Instagram - (https://www.instagram.com/realrileymitchell/) Tiktok - (https://www.tiktok.com/@rileygmitchell) Facebook - (https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61562003576933) Produced and Edited by: The Cast Collective (Nashville, TN) YouTube – (‪https://www.youtube.com/@TheCastCollective) Instagram – (https://www.instagram.com/TheCastCollective) TikTok – (https://www.tiktok.com/@castcollective)

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello, you're
0:01.7	Head that far
0:02.7	Hello,
0:18.0	Hello, everybody, welcome to
0:20.2	This is Landon. And this is Landon. And R. Welcome to Bloodline Banter.
0:21.1	This is Landon. And Raleigh. And here we go. What have he done this week? I've done absolutely nothing this week. So it's been good. Wonderful. Has your week been good? Yeah, I've done a couple things, but like I just had to clean. And like, do a couple things. We had to go to the grocery store. just a couple things around the apartment.
0:39.7	I don't think I'm going to go to the grocery store.
0:39.4	Just a couple things around the apartment.
0:41.7	I don't think I'm going to go to the grocery store anymore.
0:45.1	I think I'm on an Instacart.
0:49.7	I hate going to the grocery store here.
1:11.4	Yeah, but it's not the same because I don't trust a stranger to shop for my produce for me or my meat because last time I Instacarted chicken, it expired the day after I got it. Uh-uh. Yeah. So you had to throw it away? Uh, I just had to freeze it. Oh. Which is kind of ghetto to me, but whatever. I had to freeze it and then, like, it literally expired. I got it on like the 14th.
1:12.8	It expired on the 15th. You'd think that common sense would tell us if we're shopping for other people's groceries
1:16.5	and we're buying a three pound bag of chicken breast,
1:20.0	you would maybe check, make sure it doesn't expire tomorrow because who makes three pounds
1:23.6	of chicken in one day?
1:25.2	But whatever, unless you're like meal prepping and being healthy. Well, I just don't feel like getting out of my apartment ever to go to the grocery store. So I'm just going to start Instacarting everything. I did Instacart for the first time yesterday. Unless we're going to the Walmart for like something. Yeah. I love Walmart. I love Walmart too. I love any store, really. There is nothing in this world better than the Walmart.
1:46.0	And I know I'm saying in my videos, like, let's go to my favorite place to bitch. The Walmart, but I'm not bitching at the Walmart. I'm bitching at the people in the Walmart. Yeah, I do too. So like, also, do you say the Walmart? Yeah. We've always said that
2:00.0	And everyone's like
2:00.7	It cracks me up how they say the Walmart
2:03.4	It's you're gonna go to the Walmart? Yeah. We've always said that and everyone's like, oh, it cracks me up how they say the Walmart. It's, you're going to go to the Walmart. I'm going to Walmart. Do you know how boring? That sounds like I raise up. I'm going to the Walmart. To say, good day, going to Walmart. That sounds like I'm saying, I'm in like a, the top 1% of the tax bracket and then I'm going to have
2:19.2	crumpets and damn tea for dinner no I'm going to the Walmart it is the Walmart and the
	...

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