Welcome back to the Look and Sound of Leadership, an ongoing series of executive coaching tips designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the way you want to be perceived.

I'm Tom Henschel, your executive coach, and today we're talking about don't take it personally.

Karen used to run a department for a state university where she managed a six-figure budget.

When she transitioned into the corporate world,

her boss wouldn't let her authorize any expenditures

over $100.

At first, Karen understood,

but by the time our coaching began, she'd been in her position three years,

and her boss still demanded all her expenditures go through him.

And she was steamed.

When I asked why she was upset, she said, I've given him every reason to trust me but he obviously doesn't or he'd let me manage my own budget

I answered do you think this is about you do you think if someone else was in your role he'd let that person handle her own budget?

She stopped. Maybe, she said, I don't know, but after three years, wouldn't you think I'd have earned his trust?

Well I think you have earned his trust, I replied. I think his decision to control your

budget has nothing to do with you. I think it's about him and how he sees his job as a manager.

Well it sure feels like it's about me, she said. And then we began to discuss what it means to take things

personally.

Stephen, the manager of a small group,

was also struggling with a situation that felt very personal.

While reviewing data with a direct report

named Robert, Stephan had asked a lot of questions. After a bit, Robert had blown up,

accusing Stephan of being a micromanager, of causing turnover in the department, of being obsessively detail oriented without adding value, and more.

...