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improv4humans with Matt Besser

Does Jason Rapert Eat Babies?

improv4humans with Matt Besser

Matt Besser

Comedy

4.92.8K Ratings

🗓️ 13 February 2019

⏱️ 79 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Neil Casey, Katie Dippold, and Colton Dunn join Matt Besser this week for scenes about the newest apps on the market, taking a child to see cheap snow, and pedestrians who refuse to push the walk button. Plus, a certain senator earns a reputation for eating babies, a street artist encounters the lowlifes of his town, and an amputee showcases his new loose testicle.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

I went to Costco. I got an iPhone SE, but I'm thinking of going back.

0:05.6

So you have your like, oh, wow, this is

0:09.5

convenient to have. No, it sucks. It's, it's, it's, it's, you give yourself ADD. It's terrible.

0:13.9

Your dream is just to lay on mine, right? Uh, I don't know. Now, I mean, you know,

0:17.3

I have it in your pocket. Even when I had a flip phone, I had my iPad in my bag. So like,

0:23.1

if I'm, you know, if I'm killing time, yeah, it's, I'm not against it entirely. I'm just against it

0:28.0

being just the, I don't like myself when I'm constantly stroking it like a fucking wrap. Yeah, yeah.

0:33.6

It makes me feel bad. Yeah. I don't feel good. It's always creepy when I walk back to like where

0:38.8

the cast is sitting all together in chairs and everybody's just like this. Yeah. And I'm always

0:44.6

like, that looks so stupid and then I get in my chair and just like do the exact thing. It's

0:48.6

really bad for your neck too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what we're going to, everybody's going to be

0:52.1

sort of honest. I was walking through the lobby of the ECB school yesterday and had that very

0:59.2

same thought because it was so silent and it was so full, but everyone was on their phone. That's

1:05.7

what's creepy about it. It's like so many people are in the room, but it was no sound. I remember

1:11.9

the, a visual of that too is at a bar that I went to, I went to the pikey and it's a dark. It's

1:18.6

like one of those darker bars. Yeah. And so it was just this whole line of people at a bar all

1:23.5

sitting down in their faces were. Yeah. Yeah. Very like twilight zone. So a fourth guy walks to

1:32.0

a group of three people on their phone. Hey guys. What's up? Oh, man, it's cold today. Huh?

1:41.6

Is it? Hold on. Let me check. I'll check. Oh, 54. Yeah. Oh, I'm using dark sky. It says that's

1:47.2

55. Oh, well, where's the weather station on that? No, I just mean literally just walking here.

1:51.6

It's getting nippy had to put on when breaker, huh? It doesn't say nippy on my phone. Yeah. My

1:58.4

weather station's in MacArthur Park. It says so that's pretty far from here. Let me map it.

...

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