Get it the bird show. I could feel myself lying to myself and lying to you guys on

Sunday when I started to post about Mother's Day. I like you guys started scrolling through Instagram and

seeing all the really really lovely pictures of people with their moms right? And

I'm like, I want in on that. Except my situation is a little bit different

right? So I started off with a

post about my mom that was gonna be real but it was gonna end up being a

lesson in forgiveness and then about halfway through my post this thing became like a

online journal entry where I like called myself out and then realize like I haven't

forgiven her I just haven't so for those of you guys that don't

know the story here at the heart of this really is my mom abandoning me and my two

brothers also she's a family therapist and let us all go very little

interaction with all of us I only know recently now that because my mom gave up

on all of us so easily whenever things got hard with my mom

she just gave up man including her sons so it's part of the reason why I

stayed in relationships for as long as I do bad ones because I just don't want to give up.

So I exhaust it to a point that it's toxic and now I know why.

So I'm halfway through my post when I literally stopped myself in the post and I say, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I was going

a way different direction with this whole thing, but you know what? The truth is, I just don't have forgiveness

for my mom.

And I'm trying to do the right thing by her

by going up to New York and visiting her

when she has dementia.

...