I'm the cool dad. That's, that's my thing.

I know what I can offer you that no one else can. Complete and undependent.

I'm a man. I'm sensitive. I need to feel loved. I need to be desired.

Yelling is the only part of being a father that I enjoy.

Welcome to dear old dads, the podcast that is definitely the asshole. I'm Tom Curry, and I'm joined as always by Thomas Smith and Eli Bosnick. Hello, gentlemen. Finally, an introduction that fits me, Tom. Thank you so much. At last. Real quick, for those keen-eared listeners, you may notice the unbelievable amount of fucking background noise that you're suffering through two weeks in a row. That's because we're recording two episodes back to back. That's because contractors have been in his house for a solid week. Solid week, right? Non-stop. It's the only way to wake him on the shot. He started dreaming about the sweet release of death. And so then, also he forgot Long Division. So, you know, it's pretty tough. God, if I forgot long division, I don't. Tom's actually going to be fucking amazing at Long Division now. Like, Mom's going to be a fucking savant at like basic math because of the thing. We're just hanging out with Tom. Okay, so I want to leave a 25% tip. Sony's like, $4.00. Please don't make it stop. Make the boo-boos stuff.

Hey, this is all callbacks to the Patreon story from last show, everybody.

So if you don't know what we're talking about, sorry.

But it's really, really fucking funny.

You're the only thing worse than the method of torturing yourself that our patrons are aware of that no one else is.

Why?

It's the auto ads. The every five seconds shock to your podcast listening experience.

But you can do the longest form of division.

That's right, giving us money, which is taking your money and doing a very long division of just a dollar in episode and giving it to me.

Well, a third of it. I can do that, man. Yeah, exactly. I can do that math. That is 39 cents. You're welcome.

Because of taxes. Anyways, you can do that over at patreon.com forward slash dear. It's because of Judaism.

Fine. You know what? We'll have to say it. Whenever Jews get a third or higher split of any contract. I don't know why we were talking about this on the air. Whenever Jews get third or higher, the giant cabal of secret Jews, they add 6% to it as sort of a motivator for all of us. And you get it when you're born with your little bag of shoe gold. Okay. I said it. I don't want to talk about it anymore. But you can contribute to

my 39% over at patreon.com forward slash dear old dads for as little as a dollar a show.

So Arlo, by the way, just, this isn't the episode, but I just want to mention he's getting the,

an egg challenge. I love that. This is an actual medical thing, by the way. And he's a real asshole

about it, which is why Tom chose that intro. No, but I love when there's an actual medical thing that's like, oh, Lydia keeps saying, oh, he's doing an egg challenge, he's doing an egg challenge. And I just keep, in my mind, I'm like, well, that's a shorthand for something or, you know what I mean? Like, that can't be, yeah.

I know, he's going to dump a bucket of eggs on his head and donate to something. Is that what that is? I don't know. But no, it's like, that's the technical fucking term for it, an egg challenge to see if he dies or not. So he's right now, as we speak, he's ingesting, doing the song from Beauty and the Beast when I was a boy, eight five, doesn't he, you know, and he's doing all that. And then we see if he. Oh, wow, that's a fucking Disney deep cut. Well, well done, Tom. Wow. What song from Beauty and the Beast talks about eggs? But they do. It's the recitative leaving. Yeah, we have to see if he's roughly the size of a barge, I think, is how they tested. Yeah. And Lydia had to make them. There is a medical procedure, everyone, that involves making your kid muffins and bringing all of that to a doctor's office with your kid. Are you serious?

Isn't it weird?

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