If I say the word uni though, what's the first thing that comes to mind for you, Vic?

Nothing.

No.

I have very, very little memory of my time at university, Hamish.

Nothing, really.

The only thing I gained was a BA honours in being a total fuck-up. I think I'll tell you a bit more about that later. Yeah, good. Please do. Yeah. So, Alan, when you think about going to university, what do you think of? Scabs. Scabs. What do you mean? Sausage chips and beans in a canteen. Scabs.

Folly enough, Alan and I went to the same uni for a while.

We weren't mates, but he was doing a sound recording degree,

and I was studying film at Northbrook College near Worthing.

Hello to my Northbrook College mates.

But before that, I had a disastrous period at Luton University.

In fact, it was only four months in which I was probably a drug addled mess, Hamish. Yeah, it wasn't a good time. I just annoyed my flatmates.

I was up all night. I had decks set up in the kitchen. I had a fog machine and a laser set up

like in between the toaster and the kettles. Yeah, and they were all in bed studying and I just used to think, oh, what boring fucks.

I'm just going to stay up all night having a rave in the kitchen with friends from home.

He used to like sleep in the hallway. I was just that annoying flatmate who drank all the labelled milk and everybody else's food.

They used to have to turn the electricity off in the whole apartment to get me to shut up. And then I'd be like, oh God, what's wrong with you all? Universities for having fun, not for going to bed. I just was of a completely different attitude to the rest of my flatmates. I remember the reason why, because my parents, when I filled in the form, it said, are you a smoker or a non-smoker? And my dad was looking over my shoulder. So I wrote non-smoker. So I ended up being in a halls of residence with loads of non-smokers, which at the time was annoying because I wanted to be with the smokers because I was a smoker, of course. And so I think that led me to be in a halls of residence with loads of boring people, including my now husband.

He was in the same halls of residence? Yeah, he was the room that down from mine. Yeah.

Does he have any memories of your kitchen parties? He doesn't have a lot of memories. All I know that was John and I used to hang around near the onion frying machine at about three o'clock in the morning.

He was always drunk. I was always on drugs. So he was kind of passed out in his own vomit

while I was kind of wide awake on ease.

Lividing conversation.

...