LinkedIn Presents.

If we had an extremely controlling parent or even a narcissistic parent that always clomp down on us what they were right, we were wrong, we couldn't think what was wrong with us. If we encounter another person

like that at work or through dating, we're going to get extremely triggered, not just by the person,

but by the reminders from our childhood. However, if we have not dealt with these reminders that are still living

inside of us, we'll just stay there and we'll keep interacting with that person until we get it,

whether it's healthy or not.

I'm Maura Erin Smealy, and this is The Anxious Achiever, the show that looks at the intersection

of mental health and work, and how we can all do both better.

One of my very first big moments in therapy was in my late 20s. My therapist told me that my mom and I had a codependent relationship. We were enmeshed. I lost myself trying to please her and make her happy, and she'd relied on me too much before I was ready.

Co-dependency is a word most of us are familiar with, but what does it mean?

What does it look like?

And how does it affect us at work?

In short, it's an unhealthy relationship where one person fixates on taking care of or controlling

the other, forgetting their own needs. Boundaries fade away.

Your source of comfort, love, identity, and satisfaction is external, which can leave you

feeling empty inside. Maybe the phrase is, I'm a caretaker, I'm a people pleaser, or even better, that famous line in Jerry Maguire, you complete me. Learning more about this concept proved really helpful in my own life, because that kind of codependency didn't just exist in my relationship with my mother, but elsewhere, even at work. As an aside, my work at the time

was on political campaigns, where codependency is pretty reinforced, and a lot of people can even

become codependent with the candidate they're working for or the idea of the campaign itself.

Our guest today is a longtime expert on codependency,

and she's a household name in addiction and recovery circles.

Melody Beattie wrote the international bestseller in 1986,

introducing the word codependency to the larger world,

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