Welcome to Love and Abuse, the show about navigating the difficult relationship,

from simple disagreements to emotionally abusive behaviors.

You deserve respecting kindness.

All the information on this show is meant for educational purposes only.

Always seek a professional for your mental health and well-being, and always pick your battles wisely.

I'm your host, Paul Koliani.

So when is the best time to talk about divorce?

I'm not going to talk about every possible scenario that could come up, but I did receive a message from somebody who wanted to know

the best time, and I'll just read you the message they sent. They said, I've been in an abusive

marriage for more than 15 years, but I've just come to realize it over the last 36 months or so.

I've been documenting my spouse's behavior over that, over that time period, and I see a

clear pattern. She's blown up at me for small things multiple times over the last week,

and now we're having a relatively peaceful day. But again, because I've documented, and I know what's

coming, I know this current piece won't last very long. I've decided to get a divorce and to have the conversation with her in a couple of months

once I'm ready.

However, since I know that this cycle of ups and downs will continue, my question is this.

Is it better to have the conversation with her about getting divorced during a future

calm period, which may confuse her and

even strengthen her belief in her own victimhood, or during a future rough period where

emotions are already out of control and it could put me and the kids at more risk.

Thanks in advance.

I'm so sorry.

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