Ditch Your Dating Timeline

Women's Dating And Confidence Podcast

Amber Grubenmann

Boyfriend, Relationship, Hookup, Mental Health, Relationships, Health & Fitness, Confidence, Women, Sex, Self-improvement, Society & Culture, Marriage, Date, Men, Dating, Education, Conversation, Love

4.8 • 525 Ratings

🗓️ 18 January 2019

⏱️ 14 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode, I talk about the effect of our urgent thinking on our dating success. I show you a simple process for changing the way you think and feel. I used to believe I needed a man to feel worthy. I don't believe that anymore. Get the free guide Copy And Paste Texts For When He Is Pulling Away Or Acting Flaky: https://www.ambergrubenmann.com/copy-and-paste-texts-for-when-he-is-pulling-away-or-acting-flaky Interested in sharing your dating question on the show? You can schedule a ...

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi, everybody. Thanks for tuning into the women's dating and confidence podcast. My name is Amber,
0:16.0	and today I'm going to be talking about ditching your dating timeline. So do you have any thoughts in your mind like
0:23.1	I need to get married by this age or I need to find a boyfriend this year? I can't go another year
0:31.0	single. There's no way I'm turning 40 and I'm still not married. Do you have any ideas about by when you're supposed to have a
0:41.5	boyfriend or be married or have kids? If any of those thoughts sound familiar and if your answer is yes,
0:49.0	then this episode is for you. So first, I want you to pick your thought. Maybe it was one of those that I just said,
0:56.2	or maybe you have another thought about by when you should have a certain result, and you have
1:02.0	your own timeline in mind. So for this example, I'm going to take the thought, I need to have a boyfriend
1:09.1	by the end of this year.
1:17.5	Think about how that thought makes you feel, and you can just insert whatever thought you chose.
1:22.9	I know when I think the thought, I need to have a boyfriend by the end of this year.
1:35.1	I feel urgent, pressured, worried, anxious, desperate, needy. So how do you show up on that first date and in the first few weeks of dating somebody when you think and feel that way? I remember when I was single,
1:41.2	this is exactly how I felt. I felt like I needed to get a boyfriend really fast.
1:46.9	And the reason why I thought that is because I was trying to prove that I was lovable. And as long as I
1:55.0	didn't have a boyfriend, it meant that I was garbage, basically. I didn't have that exact thought
1:59.9	process, but that's how I felt. I felt
2:01.9	less worthy than my other friends who had boyfriends, and I felt ashamed to say that I was single.
2:08.8	I felt like there was something wrong with me. And so whenever I had an insecurity, my reaction was to
2:16.2	try and prove that it wasn't true. So I don't have a boyfriend because
2:20.2	I'm unlovable. Like, that can't be true. Like, I need a boyfriend to prove that I am lovable.
2:25.4	So that was where the urgency was coming from for me. And that's where my timeline came into the
2:31.6	plate. And when I thought that way and I felt that way, what I
	...

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