Welcome back to the Look and Sound of Leadership, an ongoing series of

executive coaching tips designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the

way you want to be perceived. I'm Tom Henschel, your executive coach, and today we're talking

about disagreeing agreeably. This is part two of a two-part

podcast that began with a segment called Getting Agreement.

Marshall, a television executive, was facing open rebellion from the group of writers he supervised.

His president told me,

Marshall's the smartest guy here, no doubt about it, and his ideas are great,

but he can't get anyone to hear them because he comes across like a sledgehammer.

Creative people don't like being talked to in that way."

Who does? I replied.

Marshall was indeed very smart.

When he heard other people's ideas, he knew in a heartbeat whether they would work or not.

His standard style was to jump in with an impatient no and then explain why his idea was better.

The problem with disagreeing in this way, and it's how I hear many people

expressed disagreement, is that your receivers hear a blunt message. You're wrong. Is it any surprise that people debate and argue defensively when their ideas are met with this style of disagreement?

Even if you add in phrases like, you're not understanding me, or that's not what I meant at all I'll

bet I would see your receivers flinch or disengage their eye contact or simply

become silent if your basic style is to simply say no.

Whether you mean to or not, that impatient no injects tension into the exchange.

Resolution is not coming closer. This happened to me just the other day.

I was having lunch with a guy who's like a brother. We share deep trust and mutual admiration.

...