Differentiate What Your Partner is Saying vs What They Actually Need: Episode 118
EmPowered Couples with The Freemans
Aaron & Jocelyn Freeman
5.0 • 589 Ratings
🗓️ 29 December 2020
⏱️ 28 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Let's be honest, we all have said to our partners one of these statements: "that's not what I said, that's not what actually happened, what you are saying doesn't make sense". Especially for those partners (like Aaron) that are logical left brained people. As soon as this happens the predictable next sequence will be an argument or conflict, or at least not feeling like your partner is on your side.
Though this can feel like one of those areas where you and your partner are just different (male vs female or masculine vs feminine differences), the real culprit here is not making the differentiation between what your partner is saying versus what they need.
In this episode we cover this big difference between the actual words that you or your partner use and what the missing need or deeper desire really is. You will get questions to ask your partner that lead to more connection and understanding than the typical difference of opinion, recurring conflict, or simple disconnections in your day to day life. This will elevate you and your listening skills in your relationship.
Resources For Your Relationship:
- Give a gift to your relationship that will impact the rest of your year! Join the next Couples Workshop - Live Steam with us right from home and take your communication skills to a deeper level. (Live interaction with us as we take you through the communication exercises and help with any conversation where you get stuck.)
- Pre-order our newest book, The Argument Hangover, and get over $200 of free bonus gifts (like the mini course and a 90 minute training)
About Us:
We're The Freemans, your go-to couple for authentic and actionable relationship advice. Send us your relationship questions for the show with a DM on Instagram. As you listen to the episode, tag us on an IG story and let us know what you loved
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hello and welcome to the Empowered Couples podcast. |
| 0:02.3 | We're here you get modern, non-boring relationship advice for you to communicate like pros, |
| 0:07.9 | fight smarter, and handle any challenge as a team. |
| 0:11.2 | No matter what that is in your relationship, I am one of your hosts, Erin Freeman. |
| 0:14.2 | And I'm Jocelyn Freeman, but you all just know us as the Freeman's. |
| 0:17.5 | And yes, hello, welcome to this episode about how to differentiate what your partner |
| 0:21.6 | is saying versus what they actually need. You mean there's two different things? You mean |
| 0:26.9 | your partner could actually need something beyond the words they're saying that what? Is it possible |
| 0:33.0 | that we don't have the words sometimes for ourselves on what we actually need? You mean to say that sometimes your partner isn't actually saying the thing they mean. |
| 0:42.3 | Or not even aware of the thing they actually need. They're just saying something else they might be triggered by. |
| 0:47.3 | Yes. Okay. So that's what we're going to go into. And this comes from, honestly, one of the number one reasons that couples attend our couples workshop come to us |
| 0:56.3 | for a session is this underlying feeling of not being understood and not being understood of course |
| 1:04.5 | has many layers to it and there might be multiple reasons but one of the main culprits for this |
| 1:09.5 | is that one of one or both of you |
| 1:11.8 | is really missing listening skills. |
| 1:13.5 | And I just want to say for, well, for the men here specifically, this is one of the hardest |
| 1:18.9 | things, I think one of the biggest issues, if you will, between men and women communicating |
| 1:25.2 | differently and the dynamic that that creates around frustration as you |
| 1:28.8 | said not feeling understood fully or even when one of the partners is just more logically focused so |
| 1:35.7 | it could be more of a masculine or a logical mind where their other partner is you know either more |
| 1:41.8 | feminine or more emotionally minded, you could say. |
| 1:44.4 | So this is such a key because, yes, there is a difference between what your partner is saying. |
... |
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