Did I Fail as a Parent?

Modern Love

The New York Times

Society & Culture, Nyt, Nytimes, Loss, Redemption, Storytelling, New York Times, Love, Essay

4.3 • 9K Ratings

🗓️ 8 November 2023

⏱️ 29 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Rick Reiss was scared for his teenage son, Gabriel. Gabe was struggling with depression and mood swings, and no amount of therapy or medication seemed to work. But when Gabe became violent, Rick wasn’t just scared for his son; he was scared of his son. Rick and his wife felt as if they had to do something drastic. So they made the decision to send Gabe to a wilderness therapy program. Nearly 18 years later, father and son talk about the decision that changed both of their lives and how their relationship has grown now that Gabe is an adult.

Transcript

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0:00.0	From the New York Times, I'm Anna Martin. This is Modern Love.
0:10.0	Rick Reese had a big dilemma with his oldest son Gabriel.
0:14.0	Gabe was suffering and struggling, expressing intense anger and having violent outbursts.
0:20.0	Rick and his wife did everything they could think of to try to help him.
0:24.0	But nothing worked.
0:26.0	None of the experts they consulted, none of the medications they tried.
0:30.0	So when Gabe was 14, his parents made a decision that could seem hard to understand.
0:35.9	They enrolled Gabe in a wilderness therapy program as a last resort.
0:41.0	Before we get into this story, I want to say that these kinds of programs for
0:45.6	quote unquote troubled teens have gotten a lot of scrutiny since this essay was published
0:50.8	almost 18 years ago. They've been broadly accused of using extreme essay was
0:53.0	broadly accused of using extreme and sometimes abusive disciplinary tactics
0:58.0	and their overall effectiveness is deeply contested.
1:02.0	According to Gabe, he was not abused at the wilderness program he went to.
1:06.0	But Rick's desperate decision to send his son there had long lasting consequences for both of them. Today I talk to Rick and then to Gabe about how they make sense of what happened
1:19.6	now that Gabe is an adult.
1:29.0	Rick Reese, welcome to Modern Love. Great to be here.
1:30.0	Thanks for having me.
1:32.0	So Rick, you wrote your Modern Love essay back in 2005 about your son, Gabe, who was a teenager at the time.
1:40.0	Gabe was getting into a lot of trouble. He was putting himself at risk.
1:45.0	And your essay is about this agonizing decision you felt like you had to make for him.
1:50.0	Can you read it for me?
	...

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