I'm Christopher Titus and this is the Armigan update.

I have figured out the conspiracy people, the Democratic Socialist Lib-Tart conspiracy.

Because you have to ask yourself this.

Why?

Why do the Democrats tell you they're going to do things,

and then they do them? What's their angle, huh? I can't hear any Republicans say that George Soros

and the Dems are ruining the country, that they want to take all your guns and make you eat kale

and put you in camps and use Jewish space lasers to keep you in line while the Democrats destroy

America through the use of drag shows gay beer drinking baby blood smoothies while trans

athletes destroy the classy and respected foundations of professional sports in this great country

called America.

Now we here at the Armigan update.

Have spent weeks, nay, I say minutes trying to prove one.

Just one of the Republicans' conspiracy claims.

And I have to admit, I do have a gnawing curiosity about baby blood smoothies.

Are there different flavors?

Can you blend it with fruits?

Say peaches. When I called Robex and Jamba Juice,

they acted like no one ever has drank baby blood, ever.

And I know there are no Jewish space lasers

because the Jews would have told us that they exist

and then sold advertising on the sides of those space lasers.

...