Hello, hello everybody. I'm Lexi Lombard, your host to the Alexi

podcast. This episode might be a little intense and if that is not something you're interested in listening to at the moment I'm more than understand it's totally fine we sometimes are in the mood and we sometimes aren't and if it's not the head space

that we're in I just wanted to give a disclaimer that I'm feeling a little low and I'm

feeling a little sad and I'm I'm missing my mom and I'm currently in the process of planning a

celebration for her life in September and I don't know what possessed me to

send it's because it's a Monday morning so I sent out invitations this

morning and I'm starting to get responses and it's all coming to me at the studio and I should have thought about that and just sent them out after but I didn't have the foresight for it. I was just thinking in terms of urgency and

wanting to get the information out there and now I'm just picturing all of the

details. My mom was a really big fan of tea. It was one of her favorite hobbies and

passions and she would make hot tea every single morning and before I would go to

school I would sit down and we would have tea time. Our dog Keegan would sit on my lap and when my mom

retired from teaching her first job that she wanted for God herself to do that.

And so she took it upon herself to do that.

And I'm throwing her at tea party and I'm just thinking about all the details and the thing that's really getting me right now.

Oh my God.

It's just her urn sitting at the table because I want her to be there for it and I'm like, oh, that's that's too much to process that's too too much to think about and I'm so grateful that this

podcast is a diary of my life and though I sometimes fear discussing death and grief so

publicly it seems like a special experience it seems like a specific an individual limited

experience but it's incredibly universal we know that we're going to live and we know that we're going to die and we know that we're

going to die and sometimes people experience death they're not prepared for

sooner than they're ready for. Though it's universal, it's a hard concept to swallow.

My therapist tells me this all the time.

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