Hey, it's Anna. This is the final episode in our three-part series called Hard. If you missed either of the last two episodes, I definitely recommend going back and taking a listen first. And I want to give you a heads up that in this episode, we get pretty detailed about sex, like more than usual on the show. So hold on to your hats.

I absolutely know that there is a sense of loss

and grieving that comes when you lose physical function. So if you could previously have an erection

and have penetrative sex with your partner in a really fulfilling way and you can't anymore,

the grief and the loss from that is totally legitimate. But that doesn't have to

mean that something's wrong with you. It just means it's time to learn how to have sex differently.

Carson Tuller knows both the loss and learning that comes with a big change in physical function.

Nine years ago, he was in an accident that left him paralyzed from the chest down.

Do you, as somebody who takes Viagra sometimes, do you identify as having erectile dysfunction?

That's so funny, because I actually don't, even though I absolutely do.

I think it's because I know it's the symptom of paralysis,

so I 100% do. It's just a part of the package.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. If you were speaking to somebody who has struggled with erectile

dysfunction and who has sort of turned inward and away from romantic connection because of the pressure of that.

What would you say?

I would say, let's name this. Let's name what's happening here.

And I would say you are experiencing the impact of internalized ableism.

That's what you're experiencing, which is adding judgment to your physical function.

Because what's so, what is true is that your penis works the way that it does and the way that

it doesn't. And there's nothing good or bad about that. There's nothing wrong or right about that.

And then I would tell this individual, you can have a better sex life than you have ever

experienced or ever had without the use of your

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