Welcome back to the Look and Sound of Leadership, an ongoing series of

executive coaching tips designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the

way you want to be perceived. I'm Tom Henschel, your executive coach, and today we're

talking about dealing with emotional responses. I've known Charlotte more than 20 years. We've often joked that somewhere along the line

our gender roles got swapped. She's analytical, results driven, and uncomfortable in the realm of feelings.

I, on the other hand, am high in empathy and intuition and enjoy processing things, some say a little too much.

Recently, she called and asked me for a little coaching. Recently, she called and asked me for a little coaching.

I've got a crier, she moaned.

This woman's got high potential, but she needs a lot of guidance. The moment I give her any sort of feedback, she

looks like I just ran over her cat and the river starts flowing. You know me, Tom. I'd

rather eat raw eggs than face the waterworks.

Charlotte's not alone. A majority of the high-performing men and women I coach are

uncomfortable with any emotions in the workplace,

whether it's tears or anger or defensiveness or self-deprecation.

I talk about this issue with a lot of my clients.

For Charlotte, I boiled it down to six points. Three do's and three don'ts. Here

they are. I'll begin with the don'ts.

When someone's emotions are running high, you're in a danger zone.

Emotions are highly contagious.

One reason the discipline called Emotional Intelligence or EQ

has so much traction these days is the evidence showing that we transmit

emotions to each other almost instantaneously. So the first rule for dealing

...