Hi, I'm Gladys, and last time on Lust Island.

Hey, I'm a chum, the cat of many hats.

So last week, we conquered, like, more challenges on this reality TV show, Lust Island.

We successfully raised a barn through a party, and after a tiny little spat between Damien and

the other Bard competition, we put on a fabulous musical number. Now it's down to the good old

four of us and fucking Chad. Gladys took us all to a time-traveling hot tub where she showed us her true

arachnid-esque form, hubba, hubba, and told us we'd be field-tripping into one of our

pasts. Vardos's consciousness took us to the castle town of Offany, where I guess a siege

happened, because there were like bodies all around, and no sooner had we gotten into the castle,

then Chad just decided to, like,

get to third base with one of those bodies,

and, uh-oh, turns out, oh my God, it's zombies.

Sure hope they're the Night of the Living Dead kind

and not the 28 Days Later kind.

I don't want to run.

Music and not the 28 days later kind. I don't want to run. I don't want to wait. I don't want to wait.

I don't want to run. The zombie beast.

I don't want to run.

Which is it 28 laterers?

Are they the fast ones?

Yeah.

That's fast.

...