Cynthia Kane on The Pause Principle: How to Keep Your Cool in Tough Situations

Beyond the To-Do List - Productivity for Work and Life

Erik Fisher

Business, Entrepreneurship, Self-improvement, Careers, Education

4.5 • 875 Ratings

🗓️ 16 June 2025

⏱️ 40 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode, Cynthia Kane, author of The Pause Principle: How to Keep Your Cool in Tough Situations, joins the show to discuss how to improve communication by mastering the art of pausing. Cynthia, a communication expert, explains why taking a moment to pause before reacting in difficult situations can lead to more effective and mindful communication, preventing misunderstandings and reducing stress. In this conversation, we explore: The Power of Pausing: Cynthia discusses how the pause is a critical tool in communication, especially in high-stress situations, and how it can prevent knee-jerk reactions that lead to regret. The Science Behind Our Responses: We explore how our biology and evolutionary instincts push us into fight, flight, or freeze modes during stressful conversations, and how pausing helps override these instincts. The SOFTEN Method: Cynthia introduces the SOFTEN method—Sensation, Owning your discomfort, Focusing on the present moment, Taking a breath, Eyes towards another, and Need to say—and explains how each step can help us communicate more effectively. Building the Habit of Pausing: Cynthia provides practical tips for incorporating the pause into our daily interactions, whether in personal or professional settings, and how to recognize when we’re falling back into old communication patterns. The Digital Disconnect: We talk about how to apply the pause principle in digital communication, where the immediacy of responses can often lead to more miscommunication and stress. Cynthia’s approach to pausing offers a simple yet powerful way to enhance your communication skills, reduce stress, and create more meaningful conversations. Learn more about Cynthia and her work at CynthiaKane.com and find The Pause Principle wherever books are sold. Connect with Erik: ⁠⁠⁠⁠LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Threads⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Bluesky⁠⁠⁠⁠ This Podcast is Powered By: ⁠⁠⁠⁠Descript⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Descript 101⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Castmagic⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Ecamm⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Podpage⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Rodecaster Pro⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Top Productivity Books List⁠⁠⁠⁠ Make sure to support the show by⁠⁠⁠⁠ checking out the sponsors⁠⁠⁠⁠! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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1:30.1	Hello and welcome back to Beyond the To Do List, a podcast about productivity. I'm your host,
1:35.9	Eric Fisher, and I'm excited to welcome to the show, Cynthia Kane. She's the author of The Pause Principle, How to Keep Your Cool in Tough Situations. In this conversation, we're talking about
1:40.9	how to use the pause as a powerful tool to improve communication, especially in high stress moments.
1:47.7	Cynthia explains the science behind our reactive instincts and introduces her softened method for pausing, refocusing, and responding mindfully.
1:57.8	I know I could use some improvement in this area, so if you can use some
2:01.6	improvement for your communication skills to reduce stress in your interactions, this conversation
2:06.8	with Cynthia Kane is for you. Well, it is my privilege to welcome to the show. Cynthia
2:14.1	Kane, Cynthia, welcome to Beyond the To-do list.
	...

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